So I’ve been hesitant before this year to really get out of my shell and pursue potential romantic interests. A lot of it was hesitation or rather pressure from feeling rapid assumptions because of my gender. Last thing I want to make myself look like is a clumsy dummy. And well there’s also the creepiness/aloof factor I steer clear from so I have to watch how I phrase things/what I say/don’t say. And even in high school my crushes were all puppy dog crushes I didn’t go past surface level for them. This year it’s idk fleeting, I feel like I’m drifting on autopilot and I’m listless going from work to home a lot. I have band going on too which I’ve felt somewhat burnt out/unfocused on playing. (I still want to but I just haven’t been able to spice it up in my mind) And then idk I guess I get ostracized by a few groups here and there and some crushes just fizzle out real fast, usually through misunderstandings in text or body language. But I would also say my standards are much too high from a beauty, interests and personality perspective, but at the same time I think I can be a little oblivious and lonesome with my choices… Like I’ll fall for the wrong people sometimes, sometimes I feel like a bother but at my heart I’m sure I’m choosing a-lot of the wrong people as friends or romantic pursuits.