Hi. ENTJ (m) happily married to an ESFJ (f) for more than 23 years. Have been together for 30 years. Most of the time we get on well and would say we have a healthy, happy marriage and hardly ever argue.

We get into a spat maybe once or twice a year but the frequency has risen during lockdown.

She is extremely caring, loving and considerate 99.999% of the time. Very rarely, I find her being being unfairly critical of me. For example she will criticize the things I do or say far more than anyone else in the family or our circle of friends.

When I bring this up, rather than a quick acceptance / apology and moving on (which is what I think I would do), she goes into a long defensive stance (lasting literally hours and sometimes days) to prove that I am in the wrong and unjustified. I typically give up and accept that she wont ever give an unconditional apology.

What advice would you give me? Why is it so hard for her to accept she might be in the wrong/ has done something that has come across as inadvertently inconsiderate?

Is the unwillingness to apologise typical?