Also posted in r/entp

Background: I'm 32, he's almost 34. Known each other for 6 yrs. We're colleagues at a university in the college of engineering. I advise students; he's an engineering lab tech. He's currently using his employee tuition waiver benefits to get his master's degree.

Event that set things in motion recently: Last Nov. (2019), he and I hung out in his lab office, following an after-hours work mixer. Although we knew each other well enough in a co-worker capacity heretofore, this was the first time that we had uninterrupted time to talk.

And wow, did we talk! We were also a bit tipsy. So I worked with my liquid courage, and admitted I had a crush on him. To which he answered by kissing me, and saying:

"What do you think I was trying to do 3 years ago when I invited you out for my 30th birthday?!" (Summer of 2016)

I wasn't able to join him back then, so I never found out that's what he was up to!

Anyways, immediately after that he said in a nerve-wracked, word-vomit fashion:

"But...but...but...I can't go past this point, I'm super stressed out and spread thin between work, and getting my master's...and my sister's an asshole who's got 3 kids by 3 different guys, and I'm like their dad...and...and..."

I just prematurely reassured him that I was having a great time being in the moment with him, and I that I wasn't asking him for anything. And then we spent the rest of the night either in deep conversation, laughter, or making out till 2am on a work night.

BUT...of course I want me some more of that sweet, sweet ENTP! He knows that now, and has restated his position of being spread too thin to start something new. He hasn't made any promises; he hasn't said yes, and he hasn't said no. He hasn't told me to wait, but he also hasn't said he's not interested.

We've gone out for drinks a couple times since then, and always talked animatedly for hours and end up making out. But we came to the agreement that we could not continue to torture ourselves like that.

And now that we're in quarantine, we've come to the agreement not to text, because it just feels like the virtual equivalent of that torture. I'm the one who asked for that boundary when I said: "If you should want to reach out for me, to open a window of romantic opportunity, I feel open and receptive to you."

Here's some other things he's told me:

"I have ALWAYS found you VERY attractive." & "You're hot."

"I've always thought we've had mutual attraction, chemistry, and banter."

(When I asked him if and what he replays from our interactions):

"I recall our kissing is pretty damn synced, so it feels sexy and passionate. I always remember feeling insanely turned on by your body in all aspects. It's hard to hang out platonically, because our attraction is just so raw. Then when you add the mental stimulation, it gets heavy haha."

The timeline is such that (COVID notwithstanding), he will free up this December 2020, when he finishes his Master's. He will technically have the summer free, and part of me feels like he might slip and reach out then. Who knows?

Turns out, I would also do well to hold out till the end of year, since I will be studying up a storm for 4 months from July-Nov. to sit for the Certified Financial Planner exam. (He doesn't know this.)

I think to myself, will he come back to get me?

(And no, we didn't have sex...haha)