I was telling my therapist that I almost think that I chose to have an ED. I actively started eating less to lose more weight when I had accidentally lost a significant amount of weight. I was telling my therapist that people around me probably engage in food related behaviours that are not disordered but I CHOOSE to take that on and make it disordered.

THE ODD PART IS DUDE REALLY AGREED and said "yeah, you can choose to stop and change how you react to situations". But I can't stop. It feels like I HAVE to engage in these behaviours.

This conversation started because I am trying to eat better this week because of all the assignments and life stress coming up and restricting usually makes my anxiety worse.

So, are EDs a choice? Something about my conversation with my therapist ticked me off, I just can't put my finger on what it is so I'd love to hear your views on it.

Edit: finally got the time to read and respond to all the comments. Thank you so much for all your thoughts, it was definitely helpful in understanding the whole choice thing better. EDs give us lizard brains, truly. They make us question whether we truly have a ED or not, am I suffering? Maybe, maybe not! Do I deserve help? Maybe, maybe not! Is this my fault? Maybe, maybe not! And it is SOOOO exhausting. My final thoughts are that it is not a choice to get an ED but we can always choose to get better! I hope we all find helpful therapists and coping mechanisms to replace the harmful ones we have all found to hurt ourselves this way. We deserve better ♥️