She had an ED, and it contributed to her untimely end at 55. I don't think she ever sought treatment, but it was definitely there. I think drunkorexic, and my mom caught her purging a few months before she died. Her safe foods were Mr. Goodbars and pink wine, and she would have huge dinners on the weekend.

She just collapsed one day. They found cancer, and she gave in after that. Checked into hospice and very quickly withered away because she had no body fat to sustain on.

The last time I saw her was in the hospice. It didn't even look like the end because she had always been so thin. She was smiling. I think she was glad to finally have a physical ailment; almost a validation of the internal demons she suffered for so long. I don't remember what she said.

When I would stay with her on the weekends, she would just spoil me to death. New computers, video games, a puppy, CDs, SNACKSNACKSNACKS, and so on. Mostly she left me alone, which was fine by me. I liked the quiet.

She would pass out drunk with her eyes open -- I remember this vividly. I used to sneak and steal her candy and I feel so bad for that now.

I'm so like her in many ways. My food hoarding habits definitely come from her. My inability to portion meals comes from her. I'm not saying this to tarnish her memory. It's important to remember how disordered she was so I can model healthier habits.

Rest well, Beverly. I will always love you. My mother's mother. You were imperfect, but you were mine. I carry your memory with me. ❤️