I have suffered with an eating disorder since 2009. It started as bulimia, which also coincided with an Adderall addiction, adding restricting. Since then, my eating disorder has pretty much remained as a binge eating disorder, and my weight has gone up and down over the years.

However, back in August I decided I was sick of letting my BED be in charge. I spoke with my doctor and she prescribed Vyvanse because it helps BED specifically. I knew that getting on a stimulant for weight loss was risky, but I haven't abused speed since 2015, and I just wanted to eat like a normal person. However, as a drug addict, I do tend to withhold information from doctors because I want drugs, and I "forgot" to mention that I abused Adderall a long time ago. At the time, I justified not telling my doctor because I thought I would be fine and if it became a problem, I would stop.

I could tell the symptoms were creeping up on me about 2 months in. The week I started Vyvanse was the same week I got out of a LTR. The first month and a half, I had no problems. I did increase the dose from 20 mg to 40 mg because I didn't feel the effects, but I wasn't worried about it.

And then, all of a sudden, my ED is back, except it's even worse than it was in 2009. I believe I am suffering from atypical anorexia, and to me, anorexia is an entirely different beast of an eating disorder when it's in full swing. You have your logical brain and then your eating disorder brain. When the eating disorder comes back, it's like your normal brain stops existing. You can't think or look at food clearly. For me, it's not about counting calories or eating healthy, it's become about not eating, period.

I am looking into treatment, and I know I need to stop taking Vyvanse. I just needed a place to help me better understand my own thoughts. Thank you for reading. <3

EDIT: Realized I completely forgot to mention, another symptom my ED was coming back is that I had increased my dose from 40 mg to 60 mg, knowing I really didn't need to. Furthermore, I have since abused Vyvanse twice (not dangerous levels). So, it feels like my life has come full circle.