I hate it, why couldn’t I have been born cis? Ideally a cis girl but I would take being a cis guy over this mental anguish.

I know many say it’s never too late to transition and I know that is true but I feel I’ll just never be satisfied with myself because of my age despite being only 26. I think I’ll be happy about myself one day but there will always be part of myself filled with sadness and regret over how long I’ve spent as a guy.

I want to experience high school as a girl. I want to experience middle school, elementary school, just life in general as a girl. But I will never get that. I’ll have to settle with whatever the rest of my life is. And I’m sure that’ll be long, I’m sure overall I’ll be happy one day. But why couldn’t I just have been assigned female at birth? Why must I transition to reach a body I’m happy with? Why must I always remember that I have presented as a guy for nearly 27 years of my life?

I hate this so much. I just want this feeling of regret and self doubt and self loathing and just sadness to stop.