I have always wondered if Reddit had a BDD subreddit, and I finally found it. As a bonus, it is a fairly large and active subreddit. Long story short I am grateful that I finally found this community.

I am new to this subreddit, but certainly not new to BDD. I first suspected it probably more than 10 years ago. Then I was certain that I had it, then all my friends were certain that I had it, then an LSCW confirmed the diagnosis 4 or 5 years ago. I have been on every antidepressant I can think of, and none of of them touched my BDD.

In my case, I think a lot of it stems from the fact that I was born with medical issues that affect my appearance. Without going into too much detail, my medically-related flaws aren't always conspicuous in an immediately-apparent kind of way, but it's more like something people still do notice, and then wonder why I don't "fix" it. And people have always treated me with some degree of disdain according to how unacceptable they deem my flaws to be. And I've had such limited access to medical care throughout my life that, most of the time, I just had to live with it as best I could and do my best to look acceptable. And my best never seems to align what others assume my best should be.

Some part of me gets frustrated sometimes, because the few times people don't talk about my appearance, I almost feel like people aren't addressing the elephant in the room. I'm FASHIONABLE, not attractive. I research the best clothes for my body type and choose my clothing extremely carefully rather than blindly following trends. I give myself manicures and pedicures. I'm constantly on a quest to have the perfect eyebrows. I follow skincare religiously, and I use the best makeup I can afford. But I still look like a failure, and none of that hides the fact that I look like, well, this.

Over the years, I have formed two opinions about this illness, but they come with disclaimers. I will edit this part out if it is not allowed.

The first opinion is that in SOME cases, some very limited cases, a SMALL amount of plastic surgery can help some people's symptoms in certain circumstances. If you're in the throes of a divorce and feeling emotionally shattered, for example, a "mommy makeover" isn't going to be the ideal next step. But if you got bullied for years because of one specific feature, or even one or two specific features, and a licensed and competent plastic surgeon - one who isn't trying upsell you - agrees that it could balance your features, then maybe after doing all your research, you could consider it. I thought I remembered reading a scholarly article about this at one point, but it was years ago, so there's no telling where it is.

The other opinion is that compliments are okay AT THE RIGHT TIME. If someone wants to compliment me just to compliment me, that's fine. But if it comes from a place of trying to counteract or debate my BDD, it's just not possible. Then it becomes an argument, then the other person assumes I think they're lying, then I feel depressed and guilty. Good compliment: "That top looks great on you!" Bad compliment: "How can you say those things about yourself? You're cute!" Insults disguised as compliments are also bad. I.E. "You're pretty but you're too pale!" and "You look a lot better than you used to."

I don't know. I guess I kind of just wanted to talk today. I don't really know what else to say. If you have read this far, I appreciate you "listening."

TL;DR: I have BDD, too. It's nice to meet you all.