I am 20M. All my life, my father (56M) was the provider for family. That led to me, my mother (41F) and my lil sister to be completely dependent financially on him. However, he is not a great person to say the least.

In front of everyone else outside my family, he is nice, funny and enthusiastic man. But I know what he really is: alcoholic and an emotional abuser, who puts down anyone if you have bright idea. He loves to insult my mother, throughout my whole life, ever since I was 7 years old I remember them constantly arguing. When I was 10, they started to live separately, only to move back together 7 months later. When I was 18, they started to live separately again (as I found out only week ago, my father slapped my mother and tried to grab her out of her bed in the middle of night in drunk state). Then, 2 years later, due to another family feud outside my parents, my father moved back in. But he continued his demeaning behavior towards my mom, constantly pointing out how miserable and pathetic she is.

Thankfully I live and study in uni in other country (in EU), so I don’t have to endure this man every day. But I have to get there for summer and I physically cannot feel any powers to be next to him, especially learning he didn’t hesitate to hit my mother and didn’t even apologize for that, instead saying that it was my mother who hit him first and he just hit back.

I thought of them going through divorce, but if it will happen, my mother will lose right to live on the country and she has to go back to country X (I won’t say what it is, but that is not country to live in at all).

I am fully dependent financially on him, and I despise myself for that. If I go at war with him, he may cut financing me, or worse, refuse to pay for my last year of bachelor studies in my uni, which would leave me without bachelor education and I will be forced to come back to him and work in his small bar, hating my own life. And if it will happen, I fear that there ll come day that either I will kms or I ll k my father.

My father proved to be manipulating figure who uses threat if not paying my own tuition fee as threat to make my mother return to live with him. He went to the lengths of saying to my 7 year old sister that it was my mother who took his money from their shared bank account while reality is completely opposite.

I had dream of going through master degree after my bachelor. However last 2 weeks of learning what my father says and does made me change my plans. I think if I ll find a way to get my last year of studies paid, I will try to get full time job in the country I am, and work hard to get free of my father’s financial grip on me.

Even so, I am completely destroyed inside and have no idea what I must do RIGHT NOW.

You can ask me more about the situation , I m not scared to talk about it. I just need some advise of what to do