“Hey, Dwight. How are you doing today?” Pam says As Dwight arrives at his desk.

“I'm at work right now, Pam. How I'm doing is irrelevant. If I'm doing badly, I'm here. If I'm doing well, I'm here. We can't allow ourselves to be bogged down in emotional attachments. We have a job to do.”

“Yes, selling paper. We can't allow ourselves to be distracted from that task, Pam, for any reason. Selling paper is serious business,” Jim says.

“Says the guy who hasn’t made a sale in 2 weeks. At this point Andy's almost a better salesman than you.”

Andy shrugs. “Yeah, I'm pretty horrible. But I like to think I bring something more to the table, you guys. You know, there's more to life than just sales. I think I bring pizzazz,” he says the last word while making a dramatic gesture with his hands.

Stanley looks into the camera and shakes his head.

“Jeez, Dwight. I was just trying to be polite. You know, sometimes you act just like a robot,” Pam says.

“Well, if you're saying that I am a paragon of efficiency and the future of the economy then thank you, Pam. I'll take your compliment. You know what, you're right. I was being rude. Let me tell you how my day is going. I woke up around 3:30 in the morning. I like to take a walk with the beets in the morning. And while I was out, I spotted that raccoon that's been going after my crops. I took off in a sprint and gave chase. The raccoon was terrified and ran with all its might but it was no match for a human being in the peak physical form. I jumped on it. It tried to fight back but my thumbs are opposable. It died shortly after and is currently residing in my freezer. So, pretty good morning, If I do say so myself.”

“Dwight! That is horrible,” Angela yells out.

“I know. My beets are my lifeblood. How dare that raccoon threaten that, but I was triumphant in the end.”

“That's not what she's talking about, Dwight. Are you an animal? You couldn't have just trapped it? And your freezer? Don't tell me you're going to eat a raccoon,” Oscar says.

“Oh, you city folk. Let's not hurt the animals. Let me explain something to you, Oscar.” Dwight starts points at people around the room. “You, you, you, you. We are all here because of agricultural production. And when that agricultural production is threatened, whether it be by a raccoon, a squirrel, or a cousin's hijinks, do we go “Aww, shucks” and just let it happen? No. It is an act of war. Agricultural production is the very essence of what we need to sustain ourselves. A threat to that is a threat to our very existence and yes, I defended my way of life in the only way I knew how. With my bare hands.”

“Against a raccoon.” Jim says.

“Irrelevant!”

“But your freezer? You're really going to eat a raccoon?” Oscar says.

“Me? No. My cousin Moyes is going to eat it. They're much too gamey for me.”

“How does it taste?” Kevin says.

“Kind of like a mix between a deer and a squirrel,”

“How does a deer and a squirrel taste?”

“Well, a deer tastes like steak but only if you made it run around a lot more and a squirrel tastes kind of like a chicken except if it were a rat.”

“That sounds delicious.”

“Kevin, you are not eating his raccoon,” Oscar says.

Suddenly, Michael bursts into the room and announces,” Hey, guys. Great news! I just found out I have a super power!”

Jim looks into the camera and makes the Jim face.