Soooo, my SO (we'll call him #1) got arrested about 2 years ago for sales and distribution and got sentenced to prison time which he is almost done with. We still talk even though I started dating someone else and he has made it a point to say that he can't be with me if I'm using but he does care about me.

Basically it kind of boils down to my use being the real issue in our relationship but a large part of my use was to replace feeling neglected and like selling/using/everything was more important than me. He is a great guy (#1)but no matter what I fell asleep wondering if I was loved or wanted and then it would just make me feel so hopeless that I would use to distract myself from those feelings and not deal with them. The problems with our relationship were a lack of intimacy, lack of communication, and the need to feel wanted.

We met in 2009 and at that time I was completely clean and he smoked weed and then we stopped talking in 2010 only to cross paths again in 2016 and started dating and at that time we were both using meth. After he went to prison I ended up dating a good friend (we'll call him #2) who made me feel loved and wanted and all the other things that I didn't feel in my prior relationship (with #1)and I was honest about the whole situation. Now that he is in work release (#1) he is rebuilding a life and he wants to stay sober and has said that he wants nothing to do with the people from his past although he still talks to me but won't date me if im using and to be honest I don't even know where we stand because to me that means unless I stop using (which I haven't, and probably won't) then it's done and over.

All of this has led to me wondering if relationships where 2 people are using are just destined to fail or if a relationship where 1 person is using just isn't gonna work out and eventually break away. I don't think I'm ready to change my life but I think I still deserve to feel loved and wanted and if that isn't a possibility because of my use then I'm wasting my time.