I was at a small local show. Now I've never "needed" drugs to enjoy music, I already like it if I'm paying as much as I do to go.

But it helps. It helps my legs not hurt from dancing. It helps me be able to talk to people so I don't get self conscious thoughts of "im just going to bother them".

Well this show I was at had an amazing, super springy wood floor. I was able to dance all night fairly consistently only leaving for water. I jumped, I headbanged, I two stepped and grooved out. That was fine. I even got a compliment on how awesome my dancing looked, and it was my first time doing it.

But I still can't shake the... Anxiety I suppose, of walking up to total strangers and asking g how they're doing or if they want to trade or just rage together or whatever.

And it kills me. It kills me because I try to take away lessons from the rolling and the psych I've done. Interconnectedness and all that.

So why is it so damn hard for me to just talk to people at shows? I hate it. I feel like I'm going to take them out of their moment. Like talking loudly in a movie theater.