hi! I started smoking weed at like 14 and would do it pretty often as my friends growing up always did it, but didn’t love doing it alone. I don’t think i’ve ever had a good high, i’ve had moments where i was relaxed and calm and felt like really smart and focused. however most of the high it triggers my anxiety, mania, auditory hallucinations , etc and leads to pretty scary and impulsive decisions. I would do pretty fucked shit and self analyze myself to no extreme, spiritually and deal with some sort of psychosis. Thinking people were speaking to me. This wasn’t everytime I smoked, but whenever I did smoke i’d always just not taper myself and end up having pretty crazy out of body experiences and often get really uncomfortable with how high anxious and manic I was. I would also occasionally end up in some risky and dangerous sexual situations because of my highs in highschool.

I’m diagnosed with bpd, ocd, depression, the whole thing , and am 21 female if this helps

I took a break for a few months. and than I made a decision to try smoking alone, and but small hits, i’m talking one to three tiny hits max. This is my threshold before it turns into a bad high for me and i become extremely paranoid. i’m still trying to figure out what works for me and if I enjoy the calm small highs. I am not used to this non manic feeling, and it’s definetly odd. It now feels more like everything sounds slightly better, im smiling a little more, and Im more present, however I don’t feel so out of control and my thoughts aren’t running 100mph. However, if I take more than my threshold, i get back into the same anxious spiral and impulsivity, the exact same crazy highs I’ve felt in highschool, once the high goes bad, I usually do not recover, and if I do , my brain is tired and exhausted and I feel really beat from spiraling.

I think im so used to those crazy paranoid highs, that this calm and somewhat relaxing high feels … boring and way less eventful. Is this normal, is this how it was supposed to feel all along? Also , any strain recommendations, should I talk to the people at the medical place? I’d love to know some recommendations on how to shake a spiral high, or if there is a way. But yeah strain recs pls !!