let me just start by saying FUCK ANTIDEPRESSANTS! i was put on them at age thirteen for normal 13 year old shit, i was overwhelmed cause im a fucking retard in school and humans aint made for this shit. im older now, its been 4 years and i finally fucking stopped. at this point in human development i shold be able to at least kinda regulate my emotions, NOPE!!!, im sober rn too, i dont need ONE of you saying "this is a meth rant" or "what are you on" or "stimulents" are ANY of that bullshit, cause it aint this is the most sober i have been in YEARS!!!! i dont even have real issues, and i surely fucking didnt then. at the time just anxiety, but they slapped on the lable of depression and tried putting me on all sorts of fun things! i don't remember all of them, by name at least. but i can tell you the wonders they did to me!!! LEXIPRO: made me numb and crazy, felt nothing, no remorse, no joy, no sadness just anger! could cry on command and challenge people thrise my size (i was only 80lb then) i don't remember, but it started with an A antidepressant: made me endlessly hungry. as i said, im small, but i eat well. WELL the fucking doctors dont listen to thay shit and upped my dose. there wasnt a time i wasnt eating. day, night, whenever. when i was on it i went from 80lb to 94. complaned to doctors, they said "GOOD" finally my folks got pissed about having to buy so much food and me crying because i was in pain that i was finally taken off them idk, mood stablizer also started with A: let me just state, i had no reason to be on a mood stablizer. they gave me the bs diagnosis of DEPPRESSION not BIPOLOR. i don't remember what it really did, but i fought to get off it and it took forever for them to let me. adhd meds?: i tried 2, don't remember anything about the first, telling innit? and the second made me constantly dizzy and feel faint (as i feel now withdrawling from prozak) doctors were glad i wanted to stop that one. apparently being on it long term really fucks you up. and they gave it to a 14 year old with a very mild version of a fake disease invented because our current society is unfit for human life? telling. prozak: i was on it for years, i wanna say 13-14 to now. evil shit. the first months i was on it nothing was real. i told them, they upped my dose. developed a mild form of touretts syndrome, they upped my dose. i FOUGHT to get the lowest dose for years. i was on it for a while, then i started being bad at school (because im genuinely dumb, look at my fucking spelling and word choise.) UPPED AGAIN. i gave up. i layed down and let the fucking system rape me. i was their good submissive bitch. i stopped taking the prozac around new years after i got a mild bit of seritonin syndrome from taking acid. the acid that made me actually change shit in my life for the better and realize who i really am as a person and how i need to get over things and people. one night of sobbing while my ex and her new boyfriend left my ass, tripping for the first time, alone repeatedly gave me more hope for the future and knowledge of myself than 5 years of therapy and pharmaceuticals ever did. the withdrawls sucked. headaches. dizzyness. added with the seriton syndrome made me feel crazy. im STILL withdrawing now. im dizzy whenever i move to fast, look at something bright, stand up literally anything. i feel like i have a bad high and i have for months now. but im so glad im off that poison. they put me on it before i hit puberty, i had no body hair yet even. it fucked up my sexual development i fear irriparubly. i cant cum. ive tried everything, oral, anal, fingering, vibes, dildos, everything but dick cause i dont want that shit near me. nothing. its fun for a little then it stops feeling like anything. it's incredibly anoying and adds to a lot of feelings of inadequacy. i cry at everything now, worse than ever. ive always been emotional and its super annoying, but now i cant even talk about something silly without sobbing on the floor. cant find my pants? crying. asking for help? sobbing. just want to have a normal conversation about someone you were friends with? BAWLING ON THE FLOOR. im super pissed. it doesnt help either that my ex ripped me off so i cant even buy more weed, the one thing that helps. i know i could rant for another long ass time, but i cant think of anything else to say right now.