bare with me for a second, it’s 3:30 in the morning and i’m struggling with a insomnia. I am only now posting about this finally feeling “awakened” just tonight.

on new year’s eve, me and my friend planned to have a really magical night, he gave his guy a $40, so i figured it wasn’t that much, mind you this was my first time with dried mushrooms. These things were obviously huge, bigger than what i’ve seen before, it was definitely penis envy, maybe albino at that.

i have no way of knowing how much i took, but it was obviously past enough. we put the whole bag in a food processor and then mixed it with some arnold palmer tea. i chugged that stuff like it was no problem, i hadn’t eaten anything yet that day.

after about 20-30 minutes, i glanced over to my computer monitor to find that already the lines between the pixels were waving, this was already the most extreme visuals i’d ever experienced, this is where it starts to get a little hazy. i was on my bed with my buddy and the trip sitter, and we were loving the feeling for about 20 minutes before my friend started asking me if i was okay, constantly.

this was odd to me, i kept saying i was, but i guess i seemed distressed. i remember looking out the window as it was by my bed, and i remember doing that a lot more than i should have. eventually i turned over to try to get away from this constant window checking. i really just remember drowning in my blanket at this point. i wasn’t really mentally there anymore.

my friends told me i had suddenly jolted while face buried in my blanket, and then i went motionless. supposedly i fell of my bed, which i do kinda remember, i tried reaching for the bed frame to pull myself back up, and i couldn’t seem to get my hand close enough without the moment “resetting”. i continued reaching for the frame, my hand kept going back. it was the same moment just like the window.

apparently i got up, i only really remember spinning in circles screaming “REALLY!?!?” “REALLLY!?!” at my friends who were horrified at what i was doing. the trip sitter tried to calm me down, but i remember their voice just going in one ear and out the other, maybe i couldn’t understand, maybe i didn’t care to, im not sure. i started aggressively grabbing on to things, tearing leds and tapestry’s down (this i don’t remember) while i continued screaming a mix of “IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW” and “I CANT MAKE SENSE OF THIS”, continuing to spin in circles, basically repeating the same exact movements again.

obviously i was in psychosis. this gets creepy for me especially. i don’t remember being conscious at this point, but i supposedly continued saying “PERPETUAL” and “TIME” kinda just over and over and over again, still spinning in circles and causing havoc. at a certain point in this loop, i started to feel a sense of understanding, probably just my consciousness returning fully. eventually, i remember feeling everything begin to pull in, not from a specific point, but like all time and space was collapsing within itself all at once. it all spiraled into darkness.

during this darkness period, i ripped hair out of my friends head, threw a wendy’s cup at the wall, and broke my mirror, i was apparently weirdly strong and extremely aggressive.

oh boy. when there was darkness all the suddon everything began to twist back into reality, i started spinning again for some reason, i remember feeling the loop in every part of my body, feeling this sense of gradual understanding of perpetual time in the universe, and how i live in it. it felt like reliving every second of human evolution, and i slowly made sense of how everything led up to my existence in that exact moment. i could begin to make sense of what i was hearing again, the sound around me was spiraling and expanding back to its normal state.

i looked over at my friend who i could now see again, and i just couldn’t understand it. i don’t know what it was, maybe the idea of another spirit in this perpetual cycle with me, but i was slowly coming back to reality. just when everything stopped expanding out of nothing, the walls around me began to fade into a very deep blue, to me it looked like we were in space. at this point, my friends were comforting each other on my bed while i kinda just stared at them. they were cuddling, it didn’t matter to me, but all the suddon i got this idea in my head.

since i had just experienced the entirety of universe and human evolution, the surroundings looking like a scene from interstellar, and my friends were cuddling, it all added up to me that we were the first 3 humans on the earth, and every moment in humanity extended out from this moment with us 3 in space. it was basically adam and eve but with 1 other person to make it a love triangle (strongest shape) i saw it to make more sense than adam and eve anyway.

so we are the first humans, this is the first moment, there must not be any houses yet because we are in space, as it all clicked into place in my head that i was one of the 3 origins of humanity, a grin started to fill my face, my friends then said the first thing i understood, “are you here now?”

i thought this further proved my point that we were the first 3 humans, and the other 2 had been in on it the whole time without telling me! i guess i thought that meant we were going full primitive…. i peed on my floor. i then started stripping…. full naked… my friends were able to cover me up and put me to bed.

i did wake up at one point before i had finally came down. essentially what they said cemented the same idea further into my head, i kinda blankly stared back at them, and then they put me back to bed.

i woke up, sober with everything in my room destroyed and torn down. i had completely forgotten i took anything, i had completely forgot what day it was, i didn’t even know my friends were at my house anymore. most of what followed was me wheeping and saying “oh god”. i think a part of me was still trying to process the whole first 3 humans thing, which was a mind fuck after just coming back up.

that’s basically the story. i understand the universal perpetual loop now, and i understand my position in it relative to the death of it all and the inevitable rebirth of it all that will start the cycle over again. Obviously, i wouldn’t remember certain moments until later. the day i first remembered the feeling of the perpetual was such a weird feeling.

all in all, i took some magic, and only remember loops and loops and loops, but i understand it!