Hi everyone,

I’m new here and wanted to share my experience because I’m trying to figure out what might be going on with me. A little background: I’ve always been pretty clean when it comes to substances—just smoked weed occasionally and drank rarely. My late ex-husband struggled with addiction for most of our relationship, which made me wary of trying anything beyond what I already knew. He also reinforced some negative stigmas, like saying things like “only whores do drugs like Molly,” which stuck with me for years.

When he passed away in November 2023, I decided it was time to reclaim my life and start living for myself. I’ve tried a few things since, and I’d love some insight from others who might have been in my shoes.

• Molly (MDMA): I tried it in January 2023 with close friends, and it was incredible. I didn’t know at the time about the interaction between SSRIs (I’ve been on 50 mg Zoloft since September 2023) and Molly, but I still felt amazing and had an afterglow for days. I tried it again later in the year, but the effects were much less intense, which I now realize might be because of the Zoloft.
• Coke: I’ve tried it a few times recently (Christmas Eve/Day, Jan 4th, 18th, 19th), but I don’t feel the effects at all. I might get a little chattier or productive, but nothing close to what people describe. I’ve even seen it cut directly from the source, so I doubt it’s a quality issue.
• Adderall: I’ve been prescribed 30 mg but never took it before because my late husband would take them all. This year, I started trying it (10 mg in the morning, eventually 20 mg, then 10 mg after lunch), but I don’t feel much difference. Again, I might be a little more productive, but it’s not what others describe.
• Xanax: I’ve had a 1 mg prescription since 2019 but rarely take it. Recently, I had a very stressful event and took 1 mg, but it didn’t calm me down. I even tried 2 mg, but it still didn’t help, and I was wide awake at 2 AM.

I’ve had recent bloodwork done, and everything came back great. I’ve also lost 90 pounds since my ex passed (in a healthy way), been saving money, focusing on therapy, and making positive life changes. This week, I’ve decided to take a break from everything—both prescribed and recreational—to reset.

I don’t think it’s a tolerance issue since I’ve never been a heavy or regular user of any substance. Has anyone else experienced this? Could it be the Zoloft, something with my brain chemistry, or maybe just how I’m wired? I’d love to hear your thoughts or advice.

Thanks for reading and for any insight you can share!