Sorry for the rant feel free to skip to the last paragraph if you just want the overview of what I’m asking.

I’m 17, turning 18, and right now I have my physics, math, and chemistry diplomas. The studying has left me feeling completely burnt out and pissed off as my last 3-4 days have just been studying all day. No matter how many hours I put in, I still feel like I’m struggling. It’s honestly been really depressing, making me feel like I’m dumb and a failure because of my low grades. To make it worse, my parents, even though they didn’t mean to, told me that if I continue this way, I’ll end up a failure, a garbage collector or maybe even a bum on the streets. This additional pressure has really gotten to me because I don’t want them to think they raised a failure. They also said that if I don’t get 75% or higher in my courses, which would require me to score 85% or above on most of my diplomas to reach that 75% average, I won’t be able to rely on them for anything, food, money, nothing. They’ll only provide a room for me to sleep in until I have to move out in probably 4-5 years. All this pressure has built up, and when I wrote my first physics diploma, I felt like I did poorly. That just added more anger and frustration, both toward myself and school, and now I’m even more stressed about the remaining two diplomas. The people who’ve already written the math and chemistry diplomas say they’re really tough, which makes me even more worried.

Now, with only one day left until my second diploma, I’m feeling anxious and overwhelmed. When I try to study, which is hard because of all the thoughts in my head, I just get angry because I hate not understanding the concepts and having to learn them on my own with no extra support. I finished studying for now, but I’m still second guessing whether I’m prepared or if I should study more even though I’ve completed the practice exams and review booklets 2 times over.

Do you think taking benzos, which I can get from a reliable source, would help me just for this short period during my exam week? I’ve got so many thoughts racing through my head, that I’m not good enough to pass, that I’m going to end up on the streets, that I didn’t study enough, and that I’m pissed off that I can’t solve this math problem. From what I’ve heard, benzos help with anxiety and overthinking. I can get 5-6 of them from someone I know and trust, but my biggest concern is that I don’t know if I’ll get more once I run out. If they’re really that addictive, I might reconsider using them and just smoke weed or take dexedrine but, since I’ve never tried them before I’m not sure. So my question is, would taking benzos short term, for 1 week but everyday, to ease my anxiety and stress be worth it, or will it lead me down a path that’s hard to escape?