i have pretty much every symptom of autism, so for a while i just assumed i had that. therapists agreed but i never got an official diagnosis. . but i realized it didn’t really add up. I can understand sarcasm and most social cues, and i never really had major sensory issues.

i no longer think i have autism, i think my poor decisions led me to have brain damage that manifests as very similar to autism.

ages 11-13 i heavily drank alcohol and isolated, (i was homeschooled)

then at 13 i stopped the alcohol and picked up a heavy weed habit.

i’m now 20 and since then ive drank a fair amount but nothing extreme, and ive been smoking weed heavily on and off since then.

and now, im pretty sure i gave myself brain damage that manifests as autism symptoms.

-I physically cannot initiate a conversation with anyone my age

-I struggle with back and forth conversations, i either don’t know what to say and just nod and say “mhm” or i talk way too much and cut the other person off accidentally

-i struggle with following directions immensely

-I struggle with decision making SEVERELY

• i cannot focus for the life of me, never had this issue before i started drinking.

all of these point to pre frontal cortex damage. i don’t know how to feel. i always just blamed it on autism but it hurts to know that this is all probably my doing.