im a 17 year old who got into drugs fairly recently. first smoked weed new years going into 2024. smoked maybe once a month with my friends until the summer came.

now the summer was different. I was working a full time job (16 at the time, I turned 17 in July) for a boat rental shop at a lake about an hour away from my home town. my friends dad owned the company and it was an absolute blast and I'm so glad I got to experience it. however, me and my two friends were the only teenagers there and everyone else was college students who wanted to get fucked up every weekend. so, I started going out more and smoking more often. first time drinking I got wasted and took 6 shots of vodka, a white claw, and I hit a weed dispo. I weighed 125 lbs. but holy shit it was the time of my life. at the beginning of August me and my friend finally bought our own dispo and we started smoking a couple times a week. once the school year started I was smoking almost every day.

Now during the first couple weeks of school I was really stressed about going to homecoming with this girl I had liked for a while. one night I was so stressed that I kinda just curled into a depressed ball and sat on my phone all night and I discovered dxm. a couple weeks later I bought a thing of robotabs and my first trip I took 13 and the euphoria was like nothing else. I did dxm, around 2nd plat trips, maybe twice a week give it take for the last half of September to the beginning of November.

I also tried Adderall for the first time, 30mg orally and I took it at like 10pm ln a Saturday because I'm a dumb ass. I couldn't sleep all night but it was fun as hell. Sunday night came around and I still couldn't sleep (id been up for 40 hours at this point, I was beginning to hallucinate) so I took 5 robotabs to help me sleep. I slept, woke up the next morning still slightly high from them and said fuck it were going to school high. I took 5 more and headed off to school.

now I fucking love dxm, the dissociation is so magical and blissful it's like nothing else ive tried. I had to skip a couple class hours to not get caught so I walked around the school and life felt like a dream and It was incredible. I got home from school at 12, (I don't have classes after lunch) and I decided to just keep redosing the whole day. it was fun but it felt bad in a way that I knew I wasn't making a good decision. I was too fucked up to count how many I kept redosing but I ended up completely balls to the wall fucked up that night and woke up the next morning having slept though school. I had 5 robotabs left that morning and based on the times I previously remember tripping, I estimate across those 2 ish days I took a total of 1400 mgs.

after this, I threw out the robo tabs and the rest of my dxm use was either delsym or Robitussin from Walmart. but I had begin to do Adderall more. this was awful because no matter how early I took it, I could never fall asleep the next night. so I pulled multiple all nighters on school nights with 3-4 college classes the next day but I managed to make it work. I was still smoking weed daily too. now I tried shrooms once and then a week ago I did acid and the acid trip was crazy.

the acid made me realize a lot about myself and I'm really grateful for it and after I got through the scary depressing part it was lit. but I realized that I probably needed to get sober. I've been sober for 6 days now, aside from cheifing my brother's geek bar he gave me and then vomiting shortly after. but it's still kinda hard. if I'm with anyone other then my close friends, my brain spirals and all I can think about is how bad I wanna get lit. I feel like the drugs have closed me off from the people who care about me in my life and I still want to do them because their fun but I'm worried that I'm heading down a dark path. I am having a hard time living life because everything I do feels kinda bland or meaningless now. to avoid this pain I continue to numb myself with video games and porn and blasting myself with music 24/7 but I have a feeling it's just going to keep getting worse.

I've struggled with on and off depression since like 6th grade, I tried to kill myself multiple times in 7th grade. I feel like I can't trust my parents and all I can do is lie to them until I move out and get some distance. whenever anything remotely hard crossed my path I always spiral into these negative thoughts and depression. I'm just worried I'm not gonna make it. ever since around middle school, life has seemed kinda bland and empty but the drugs brought back the color and spice that made my life interesting again. but I realize I can't keep doing this forever but now that I've opened that door I don't think I'll ever be able to close it again. the thing about the drugs is it feels like they give me these almost manic episodes. I feel on top of the world and then I want to kill myself. now even that I e stopped doing dxm for a little over a month and I haven't done Adderall in a few weeks, my mood still seems really unstable and destructive. I can only seem to function when I'm alone late at night not having to worry sbout anyone but myself.

TLDR: started doing drugs this year as a 16-17 year old and it quickly escalated these last few months and now I can't seem to keep myself away from them or the thought of them and I'm worried that I might have screwed myself over too early.

just felt like talking a little bit that's all