when i was 17, my carefree life came crashing down. it’s a long story, but i was defamed badly so i turned to drugs and alcohol. by the time i was 17, i was on hard drugs and drinking every day. also addicted to nicotine. i have done cocaine, ketamine, shrooms, xanax, opiates, adderall, noz, dxm, kratom, meth, and anything else you could imagine. i used to smoke a lot of weed, all day every day, but i got chs and can no longer smoke. i was addicted to ketamine at one point, and went off it cold turkey only to start using coke like every day. i drink every single night. sometimes in the morning too. my mom hates me, she resents me and doesn’t want me as her daughter. my dad loves me and i love him, but he’s very stressed and worried constantly. ive been arrested for public intoxication. i’ve been to iop rehab 4 times and residential once. no matter how many times i go, i always go back to using every day. when i went to residential, i was extremely unhappy there and ended up punching my therapist and attempting suicide, which lead to me going to the ward. that’s why i’ve never gone to residential again. no matter how good the program is, i can’t be without my friends, they’re my lifeline. (barely any of them use hard drugs and none of them are addicts so no, they aren’t bad influences.) i go to multiple different therapists and nothing makes me stop using. i don’t want to stop. i just want to use without my mom being horrible about it, and without my dad stressing out. i want to move out, but i only work once or twice a week and i don’t have the money or life skills for it. i just don’t know what to do. does anyone have any advice? i can’t quit because I’ve tried and i don’t want to so even if i do i will end up going back. i’m so lost.