Very stupid question, but I've been feeling very stupid in general lately.

I've been prescribed valium 5 by my psychiatrist, due to anxiety, agoraphobia, panic attacks ect.

I really don't wanna take it everyday. I had a history of addiction from 17 to 22 years old from any opiates I could find daily, smoking opium, ket, coke, any psychedelics and mdma I could get, ect. I've been sober for 5 years beside a few psychedelics here and then.

I'm really struggling with anxiety. It is holding me back from doing the most normal tasks which is so humiliating after all I've been through. I can't even hold a normal conversation, eye contact, nothing. I thought it would go away after a year of sobriety and I swear I tried everything. Working out, making friends, new hobbies. nothing

I tried valium first time yesterday (5 morning 5 night). Morning till night went great. I made some irrational choices and conversation but that's fine. At night, I remember my conversation with my bf and that's it.

Yesterday, second day, I went to grocgrocery shop. Bought some junk food shit, paid soooo much money and ate it all.

I remember telling my friend group about some stupid very personal shit, and conversation with my boyfriend I don't even remember. I slept for 14 hours.

I don't wanna embarrassed myself. I already did it in the past. I don't wanna black out. I have shit to use.

My questions are:

● is it okay if I don't take it everyday? Just stressful days?

● Am I going to get used to it?

Edit: I already used ambien and xanax in past, but it was as a comedown for uppers or trip killers.

Honestly, any help would be welcome