Yes, you read that right...

I've had crippling insomnia for almost two decades. On several occasions I've nearly been hospitalized by loved ones because I was so sleep deprived I would hallucinate and have mental breakdowns. I've seen at least a dozen different sleep specialists, exercise religiously, been to CBT-i therapy for six months, tried every device and gadget, tried all the trendy sleep hygiene stuff Huberman and the like espouse, all to no avail.

The first doctor I saw about this when I lived in a small Midwest town in the early 2000s. He gave me trazodone, and when that stopped working, clonazepam. I had no idea what benzos even were or that they had harm potential, but it was the best I had slept in years, and the best I've slept since. When I moved to a large city on the west Coast, I established care with a new doctor, had all my prescriptions transferred, and asked for him to refill them. He refused, even though I had been taking it without incident for over a year. Since then I've tried every single non-narcotic that's supposed to help sleep, even off label drugs. Nothing works for more than a week or two. No doctor will give me benzos, even after telling them I've been awake for three days and hear people talking in the next room that aren't there...

As you can imagine, I was excruciatingly tired and low energy most of the time. My mind felt so foggy and dull that I felt like I was losing my sense of self. I couldn't focus at work. I didn't feel engaged in social situations. I couldn't enjoy things I previously did.

One day, a coworker that I'm close with, and knows about my inspmnia, noticed I was in particularly bad shape and stressed about how much work I had. He asked if I wanted half an adderall. I had always religiously avoided stimulants, besides the odd coffee first thing in the morning. But at this point I was so miserable and I figured I wasn't going to sleep anyway, so I took it. Of course... I was able to focus, got all my work done, and stay alert and active for most of the day. Come bedtime I was preparing myself for the inevitable but decided to lay down at the same time as always, like they say you should, fully prepared to lay awake. But to my amazement, I was out within 15 minutes and slept for four unbroken hours for the first time in years. Wondering if it was a fluke, I asked my coworker for another half the following day; exact same result.

Long story short... I spent months asking doctors about it, and, of course, none of them thought prescribing a stimulant for chronic insomnia was a good idea. I decided to turn to alternate sources, but found prescription stimulants hard to come by, and expensive. I'm not proud to say I ultimately turned to the much more readily available, and dirt cheap, meth.

For six months now I've taken 10mg orally, first thing in the morning on workdays. Most nights I'm truly exhausted and fall asleep by 10-11pm and wake up feeling refreshed. I know it's a slippery slope with this stuff, but I've only taken more than my regular dose once and I quickly learned that I hated it.

Has anybody else found that stimulants actually improve their sleep when taken early enough?