I'm really freaking out rn, the situation is a bit more complicated than my mum taking my shit but anyway...

So for context my parents are divorcing, my mum lives upstairs and my dad lives downstairs. My dad smokes weed and drinks alot, he also tries other stuff occasionally and most of my childhood I've been around that type of stuff and it definitely caused a few internal issues when I was younger. My mum used to do hard drugs (didnt get addicted tho) and now is a full health nut anti drugs.

My mum has found my stash before (which also included band merch she thought was satanic... shes athiest idk why she cares) and ended up giving it all back soon after. The main issue with the situation is my mother and I have had extremely violent physical fights in which I've had to call the police 4 times (and been taken to stay with family members) this has caused alot of issues for myself and I've now set heavy boundaries for my own sanity, the main being that she absolutely cannot touch my stuff or enter my room. The last time she came into my room, I was beaten and sexually assaulted and taken to stay at my grandads after calling cops

For months I couldn't even touch the carpet that in certain parts of my rooms where it happened and honestly libing in this house is hell... constant panic and flashbacks from literally everything.

Weed and alcohol have helped me significantly, I do admit I've had issues with it but I've always kept good grades, a stable job, social life, and a clean room if that even matters. Overall I'm handling my situation pretty fucking well if you ask me.

I came into my room tonight to find a box of empty cans taken, a almost full bottle of EXPENSIVE WHISKY!!!! And all of my weed grinder etc gone. In the past 2 days I have been fired and gotten a new job that pays significantly less so I can't afford to keep replacing what she takes

The reason it's such an issue is because for me it's a healthy-ish coping mechanism... I dont cut myself anymore or have suicidal thoughts BECAUSE OF ALCOHOL AND WEED

I can't explain this to my mum without her threatening to send me to a psychiatric ward and my dad never bloody talks to me. She doesn't understand that I quote literally need this to stay alive

And before the addiction police bite my dick off... YES I'm probably addicted but I'd much rather that and an enjoyable life then being fucking depressed all the time. On top of that, I can't get prescribed stuff from psych because I want a future in the defence force and that o Would rule me out for good.

So far my only solutions are to take all of her alcohol and pour it down the drain or kill myself

Thoughts pls 🥲