Very alone. Very depressed. So misunderstood. But I’m still here. Dysfunctional , drug addict , hopeless , emotional, lil fuck. 8 months I’ve been sober from opiates. I used to use up to a gram of fentanyl a day. I don’t desire to use that anymore, and I’m still here. But I do desire to die. I do desire not to be here. But I’m still here. I just had my 24th bday , alone in a hotel room. I made plans with my ex, who also has the same bday, and she showed up dysfunctional, coming down, and wasted from the weekend. She spent one night with me which was her sleeping and having fits the whole time. She left the next morning to go back to celebrate her bday with probably the same losers she partied with all weekend. I let her go, she is not the girl I fell in love with 3 years ago sadly, though she told me she would spend it with me and that’s why I spent the last of my money setting up a two day bday for us… to then spend it alone with no more money left crying in a hotel room, wanting to end it all on my 24th bday. But I’m still here. Sober. Still here . Will I see my 25th bday? Will it be alone again? How much longer must I sleep alone? But I wake up … still here. I don’t have any friends anymore. The best friend I had in the world died on Christmas Eve 2022. Amazing person. I miss him so much. He should be here . But I’m still here. Why? Why am I still here? I’ve odd 6 times. 1 of them was very bad was in coma for 2 days. I should be dead. But I’m still here. My dad is dead . But I’m still here. My friends are dead but I’m still here. THERES GOT TO BE A REASON IM STILL HERE! I know that no one cares, and I mean that in just an understanding way. Why should they care ? They have their own problems to worry about. I miss my dad. I miss my friends . I miss having a girl to go to sleep with at night. I’m 24 and am living the life of a 90 year old. But I’m still here. IM STILL HERE. STILL HERE . IM HERE!