Like the titles says.

And yeah it's drug related, the money goes to a life long stash of phenibut:p (my medicine , my life elixer literally)

I have 0 money , 0 motivation to work , 100 depression bc I'm sick in my head and I need the Pheni to live. I can't live without it, I see it as my medicine. I know ppl taking benzos everyday, so why can't I take phenibut everyday? I mean it , my plan was to rake it till it back fires and shoot myself in the head. I literally hate my life since corona, lost all my friends , feel 0 connection towards anyone, hate the moment I wake up and with Phenix PPOOOF all gone , back my old extraverted happy non-depressed self again.

Okey, with this backstory. Would you face everyday your biggest fobia for 10 days In a row for 4.5k euros? So I have a diagnosis of extreme depression and there is a depression medicine study (I really don't give one f that I take a unknown medicine) and you need to give blood everyday there. So 10 days I need to face my bigist fobia needles in vein.... (When I was on a operation table and the doc told I needed a new needle in my vein for if I lose blood -> the heart monitor went from 70bpm (chill) to 160 very quick, so I don't extragate I REALLY REALLY HATE NEEDLES, I WOULD RATHER EAT A BIG SPIDER!)

If I take the new medicine and stay there for 10 days and they take 10 times my blood I get 4.5k

If I don't go? I literally get on the streets lol. Besides sleeping, eating, being on my phone, brushing my teeth , I literally don't do anything else bc the depression is so God damn bad and my mom has enough... So yeah it's becoming a tramp versus getting 4.5k and therefore a life long phenibut stash / buy me some life time BUT I need to face my biggest fear for 10 days...

Long story short: if I participate on a medicine study I get 4.5k -> a life long phenibut stash (my DOC / life elixer) and I buy some time on this planet while it still works but I need need to face my biggest fear 10 times (needle in vein for getting blood) VS becoming a tramp (and probably kill myself also with a OD , so I die sooner)