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My dope career began a long time ago .... back in 1970s Australia. Even though Thanksgiving isn't a holiday celebration observed here, that said, the idea of gratitude & considering others IS something that's helped my staying clean of opiate.
It's been quite some time since I stopped and put the needle time but a 40 year run leaves a lot of wreckage, experience, regret and reflection in its wake.
I often stop and think of all those fallen.... especially from 80s & 90s. imagining what their lives would have been today and especially I wonder
"Why them and not me"??
My wife used to say encouraging kind things that would sort of imply that I was somehow a little smarter, a little nicer, somehow not like 'those other ones' .... like I was somehow better or more deserving in someway and consequently still alive.
Of course I understand WHY she said it and that she obviously has bias my way, that it came from a place of love and not judgment.
Nonetheless it would eat at me soul and awaken a deep uncomfortableness within.
I remember one day I evetually sat down with her and told her about the lives of some of my friends who fell along the way. Stories that spoke of families, achievements, fun lives with purpose and joy.
My point wasn't to admonish her or to 'speak up' the lives of those lost friends.
Instead it was to try and demonstrate to her we that addiction didn't define us .... none of us crawled out of the womb and down to the pawn shop to offload our Humidicrib for a shot.
We actually all had lives of amazement, connection and purpose as well as sad times, struggle and of course tragedy. That I wasn't somehow more special, amazing or deserving ...... in fact the ONLY reason I was alive and they were not ... was done to nothing more more than dumb luck.
RIP to all those not here today and to those still struggling please don't give up ... from a once homeless, toothless near dead addict I promise it's never too late
Peace to all ❤️ 🕉️
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