Last year I’ve been diagnosed with Schizophrenia and ever since I’ve had to make some lifestyle changes. Most notably, I am now sober and and have been for over a year, no alcohol or drugs.

Before my diagnosis I used to drink and partake in mdma during music festivals and gigs, not all the time. The last time I used it was November 2021 during a Jamie xx gig.

Two weeks ago I managed to snag a ticket for next year’s Glastonbury festival and now I can’t stop thinking about the possiblilty of doing mdma again.

With my illness I have anhedonia which reduces my pleasure in all things that used to bring me joy. Like music or comedy and films. I just feel half alive. Not fully experiencing living life to the fullest.

I’ve been scouring the whole of reddit for the whole week to find experiences of people with Schizophrenia (Like me) who have taken mdma and had a good time on it without any serious consequences of psychosis.

I feel trapped in anhedonia and I want to experience the euphoria that md gave me but I don’t want the risk of psychosis. And the fact that my friends will probably partake and gave a great time and I won’t makes me feel terrible.

I miss raving, I miss ecstacy and the feeling of everyone dancing coalescing into one single organism of sorts. Just all of us enjoying the moment.

Is there any advice people can give me or comments