Sooo, i need help.. LONG STORY I hope someone can relate to my story (sorry). In the last 3-4 Months I don't feel like myself, feeling like I'm going crazy, etc. Is it Anxiety, DPDR, or something else. I must explain few stories out of my life cause I believe it is not only one thing that fucked me up, let's go. I did drugs most of the time since 18-19, (28 now). Almost everyday especially in the last 2-3 years i smoked marijuana everyday, mostly alone, had a girlfriend etc. I did coke and speed every Month 1-2 times. Molly 1-2 time a year. 3 years ago my Dad died and he was everything for my family, for me he was my best friend. I was in my house with my ex girlfriend and underneath lived my parents, my mom caled me and said your father does not feel good go get him to the Hospital, he was just 54 and in a good shape. I drove like crazy with my father on the backseat fighting for his life, i was broken.. We arrived at the Emergency and the Doctors said he has a massive Heart Attack and put him in a Ambulance to bring him Asap to the Hospital. I was driving my car and he was in the Ambulance.. I was was with him in the hospital and they brought him in to to a emergent surgery. I was outside alone and prayed to God that my father lives.. It was 2 in the morning, after few hours my brother came and the doctor ran outside and said your father did not make it.. I was devastated, that night killed me.. I was going to 2 therapy sessions where the doctor said you are gonna be ok, but i wasn't.. Years past by and i was getting better, but when I see now i did not heal at all. 1 Year ago me and my girlfriend decided to move to Germany, I did that, i did everything for our future, i was alone here and than she broke up with me, i was broken but strong, we were together 3 years but after my father nothing could kill me more.. I than moved to a new apartment, new job, new car, i speak German very good but everything new, and i was alone.. I had friends here that i met here but i felt alone.. Months past by and that lonyless felt amazing.. Til summer. Everyone in my hometown was partying, going out and i was in a different country, just work and gym.. Then the depression started to kick in, i felt devastated for being here alone. Than i starded to smoke weed everyday again, a lot of weed. And than comes the night that fucked me up. (I was always a funny person, despite my father, ex, or that feeling of lonyless) 5 Months ago i decided to go with my friend from my city to go to the see for 2 days for a bender (cocaine, speed, molly and weed) The night that we drove there we we're already high, and 2 Hours before the arrival to the see i felt a sensation in my chest, like itching, but i thought nothing of it. We arrived, the day was perfect, and around 18h European time that evening we began with Molly, not to much, 3 pills every 2 hours we tok a half of the pill. Till 23 O'clock. (And it was extreme hot, like 30 degrees Celsius at night, but we drunked tons of water). We decided to take a massive line of coke and in the same time smoke a joint, for a few minutes everything was perfect and than out of nothing i jumped and started saying I'm going to die, I'm going to die and felt dizzy. He thought that i was tripoing, but i said we have to go out of the apartment and than i was pacing trough the street up and down, saying call an ambulance etc.. I thought i overdosed because it was so sever i thought my body would explode, and my heart to and that I'm going to die like my father from a heart attack.( later on i have the info trough research that that was a massive panic attack) than i calm down a little, we went to the apartment and turn on the AC on cold, than my heart rate come down, til than i thought my heart was going to explode.. And after 20 minutes i said I'll try to fall asleep and i managed it. Tomorrow i felt like new, i said to my friend phew I'm alive haha.. and than we did a little bit of speed where i felt a sensation in my chest but everything was ok and we left home. Tomorrow i smoked a joint and after 2-3 hours i had thoughts like what if you really died etc, and i had a panic attack. After 7 days i was going back to Germany and Everything was fine, my mother comed to visit me for 3 weeks and i was perfect, but a little bit depressed that i left everything in my city and everyone is having a good time and i have to work and be alone after. 2 days before my mother was going away i smoked a very very strong weed alone and had a full blown panic attack that remembered me of that night etc, and when my mother left nothing was the same anymore. had panic attacks, really bad thoughts of maybe i died really that night, than dpdr, etc. Every second i thought about that night. After a month i had a appointment with a psychiatrist, they gave me sertraline, i was taking just 25mg but today i took 50mg and I'm planing to do so further. At the second appointment they said everything was fine with me, just take the pills for 1 Year and that's it. They said that i have to take 50 mg, and after 7 days 100 mg. But i felt that was to much after the first 4 days and since than i take only 25mg, which helped me throughout the day, but when night comes... Phew. A month ago i realized that i was not dead or anything, but than this.. Now i have racing and intrusive thoughts why had i thought i was dead, that's not normal etc. Now i have anxiety (hopefully anxiety), i feel like going crazy, really said i feel possessed, not like my old self. I overthink my whole life but this is another level, i only think what did I do to myself, what is happening, why this why that and i am exhausted... 5 Month I'm struggling to live my life normally and hope it is going to happen one day..

Also i live alone, i work a job where you are alone with a car, i go to the gym regularly, and 1 month after the incident met the girl of my life but she is in another country..

Am I going crazy or what is happening?

Thank you ❤️