Day 5 cold turkey /fetty/suboxone

To get you up to knowledge the last 4 years I’ve been on suboxone for the most part at least besides the relapses.

And that’s what brings us to this moment here. 3 months ago I had another relapse I was smoking fentanyl everyday stopped taking the subs.

I had a breakthrough recently where I realized that the subs are really no different than the fentanyl itself.

The truth is I don’t even feel good when I’m on either or normal or myself. So this is where it comes to an end.

I’m in hellish withdrawals right now but I’m finally starting to feel emotion again, feeling again, whether it’s good or bad! People take feeling/emotions for granted. They don’t realize these drugs have stripped all of those from me over these last 4 years. Its held me back from my true potential.

I’ve hit a breakthrough. The drug isn’t the problem it’s the solution, the problem is deep down is not being able to look at yourself in the mirror. But I know when these withdrawals are over I will be more than content than ever with my existence.

I know deep down that if I don’t put a stop to this for good I won’t ever find that young person who before they made the decision to snort that oxy, was so creative and full of life with big hopes and dreams. Had no problem getting the girl they loved.

I’m not gonna be a Slave to see either of the drugs mentioned including my good frenemie, suboxone. The only credit I give it is bringing me to this realization now. It doesn’t even make me feel “normal” hah maybe neutral at best. What I’m tryna feel is my authentic self again. So I’m putting an end to this nightmare once and for all.

I hit a point in my recovery journey previously where I weened down from 14mg of suboxone all the way to 1mg and and attempted to quit suboxone cold turkey. Unfortunately I failed but it was a part of the process to get to here And having experienced pws many times I know what to expect and to be honest the fentanyl withdrawals are a lot more bearable than suboxons withdrawals themselves. I’m aware these symptoms could get worse over the next few days but I’ve been preparing my mind for this for awhile and I’ve got my window of opportunity to do this and I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel

If you’ve seen what I’ve been through- from my dad dying in my arms at age 13 to me building a drug empire during high school to fill the financial void there were other various motivations but fueled with anger at the world I used that as my drive to reach a kingpin drug network status at age 19 but of course good things don’t last for ever but what ultimately lead to the crash was the beginning of my addiction during the end of my run, you get lazy you start making heat decisions so it was inevitable at that point that the swat team kick my door in and gas me out, leading to me being tried for 10 years in prison and getting off on 2 years.

So believe me when I tell you this… I have the strength to overcome this part of my life

If you reconcile with my story and this post gains traction I will be happy to provide updates over these next days of hell or if this is something youre planning on doing and have any questions about what comfort meds help that I’m taking I would be happy to answer! I need to keep busy! I got lots of more stories to tell too so don’t be afraid to reach out to me!

From one Addict to another I’m signing off for the night i got a long night of withdraws ahead of me