I'm 19, medicated mentally ill, addiction runs in the family. Too young, prone to addiction, and prone to probably losing my mind I smoke weed and microdose shrooms, I have only tripped twice and not that much

I read things about certain drugs giving you brain damage , or causing schizophrenia or psychosis and other mental issues But that doesn't make me wanna try them any less And why?? Why don't I care I'm so curious about trying drugs , not every one but no drug is necessarily safe at this age or with my mental health But I'm still curious And I know I'm an impulsive idiot who will try things anyway All I can do is try to be as safe as possible Cause it's a strong pull , so much curiosity I wanna feel different highs , trip off different psychedelics But I feel if I either wait till 25 or never don't it will at some point because too much and I'll do it anyway , maybe impulsively and unsafely

How do I make myself care about the risks? Or should I just try to be safe with it ? I wanna care about the risks and the future and not try anything more than I've tried , but also I do wanna try other things eventually , but I'm impatient and impulsive so who knows when that eventually is Its easy to tell myself to just not be impulsive but I know I will

How do I stop myself How do I make myself care I could get brain damage or go crazy or worse Or should I just focus on being safe and not letting my life collapse into being just like my drug addict bio father I don't know what's going on or what to do Tbh I'm probably just anxious cause I fucked up on my meds the past few days Sorry for the rant Thanks 4 reading