besides psychosis? i think im too aware for psychosis but somethings not right.

I greened out for the first time. took a 9 day tolerance break.

ever since i started smoking again, shits been weird. The second day after ending my T break i decided to get really high and RE-watch Smile 2. i watxhed about half of it and felt fine.

later in the day, everything distorted into this sad melancholic reality. in the sense life just seemed dulless and grey. i felt sad scared shaky and confused. around this time i got a text from an unknown number about a talent agency? figured it was just a bot. blocked it and they fucking messaged me again. it set me off.

i went to the gym after that and did feel pretty better after my workout, but ever since then there has still just been something off. Im usually extremely self conscious and quiet. i dont really care anymore. life feels like a game and i just wanna do impuslive things for fun. ive been having desires to just do something absolutely insane, just like something big, but i dont know what exactly.

Also, i keep thinking about that movie. i cant stop thinking about it. not in a bad way though. i just feel the very strong need to rewatch it again for some reason and i cant get it out of my head. like i feel like there’s an answer in the movie that i need to find. i think im gonna go to theaters and watch it again sometime next week. im not gonna smoke any weed this weekend and see if it fixes anything.

Ive been going through kinda episodes all day where i either feel really happy and carefree and impulsive and then it switches to just feeling sad and scared and kinda unreal, it switches throughout the day. I havent smoked today.

ive lost motivation for all my goals and just feel like i need to just live and do whatevee i want and have fun. Ive lost my filter in front of family friends talking about how life is a game and that we should treat it as such. im also suddenly able to more openly talk about my mental health issues, like im just over sharing too much.

and i just have this weird feeling that something big is coming. its like an exciting feeling though . .

i also keep having intrusive thoughts that i need fo just go to a mental hospital and get help, but i feel like its not that severe?

i have autism and read that can increase psychosis, but look, im able to type this right now and acknowledge that something is wrong, so i dont think its psychosis. I also have co morbid OCD if that matters.