Back story/rant: So I 23m, have struggled with motivation and energy issues for awhile now. No motivation to cook, clean. I have, to have arguments with myself inside my head and fight myself for a week just to take a shower, (usually finally on Sundays, I know it’s disgusting.) I haven’t brushed my teeth in probably 6/7 years and my teeth are rotting out my mouth now. I used to be a pretty good looking dude. Had all the girls in highschool perfect smile Weighed about 180lbs, 6’5. I’m now 295 still same height and can only eat fast food cause cooking is to much. (And I love to cook I’m really good at it) unless there is an external force motivating me, even if I want to do it really really bad I just cannot force myself to do it. unless it’s an obligation like work, or a promise to help someone, even then I have to mentally and physically drag myself out of bed to do it. Once I’m doing something I maybe don’t wanna do, I look for excuses and reasons to stop doing it and go home. I also have zero energy to do anything, I’m so extremely exhausted 24/7 I work blue collar and I’m pretty well off in my career field. Im absolutely overworked but I don’t think that’s the cause of it. I know I have some form of sleep apnea,as well, as I snore really loud and sometimes my uvula will be sore and swollen when I wake up. One time it was so bad it blocked my throat and I was choking on it. But I regularly get 5-6 hours during the week and 15 on weekends if I’m not working but no matter how much sleep I get I’m still tired. I love sleeping and feel I get good sleep but I just never can wake up. If I don’t have work or someone coming over or serious plans I just will sleep all day. Even if I have stuff I want to, or need to get done. Like I have multiple projects that are halfway done(one is a project car I completely built and used to drive) and I really really want to finish them. Like I have dreams at night of driving my car I’m building but for the life of me I just can’t go work on it no matter how hard I’ve tried I just can’t. I can’t even explain it. Even if I’m hyperfocused on it. The only time I have motivation to do something is if it’s a hyperfocus/manic episode I guess? Like the other day I just randomly thought about 4wheelers. Then I needed one I needed one right now I gotta have one. Started watching videos and marketplacing them blah blah. I’ve never owned one before never even ridden one. I was on the verge of buying one until I realized how am I gonna get it back to my house?. I drive a suv I would need to buy a trailer to haul it around. Where the hell would I even ride it? And I kinda snapped out of my trance so to speak. And I’m still kinda wheening out of it, like as I’m writing these a small thought was like”I still really want a fourwheeler” but then I was like “yea but we don’t need one” so I’m definitely fucking insane.

Reason for post: so I recently was given a script of 70mg vyvanse from a friend who ”can’t take it cause I didn’t sleep for 3 days off one dose” so me being me “oh that’s perfect that’s exactly what I need I’ll get so much stuff done that I need to.”

For reference I have been completely sober for idk how long I believe 4 years. I have an occasional beer but that’s all I. I have extremely high self control and a completely non addictive personality. Something tho. (Holdisays,birthday’s) I’ll set in my mind I’m gonna get black out drunk tonight cause why not. And I’ll get x amount of drinks in and feel kinda buzzed/tipsy and be like “yep that’s it for me” back in the day (16/17) I used to be wild tho, trying to get high on any substance possible (nutmeg,Benadryl,triple c’s) I used to smoke weed all day everyday ungodly amounts ounces in one sitting sometimes I used to be a proudly proclaimed physconaut. Acid was my favorite or rcs like acid cause who was I to test my drugs, I was the guinea pig I’ll tell you what it is once I’m on it(Really stupid looking back) I would take a strip of 350ug gels after a t break and down it with a 3/4 ounce of cubes (wet) couldn’t tell the difference between eyes being opened and closed. weekly, every other day on a new trip. Just enough to drop t. For a year straight that’s basically all i did that and coke and or any other substances only thing I stayed away from was heroin or meth. (Cause I’ve had a few friends die and watched them eat my family alive) Also never did mdma or dmt woulda jumped at the chance to tho mdma here is actually just a meth pill. Eventually had a pretty nasty trip and gave me long lasting visual snow and some hpd its very mild now but still very apparent in dark or all white rooms and made weed give me extreme panic attacks where my arms and legs go numb and I can’t breathe also just general anxiety disorder and hypochondriac now. But oh well I fried my own brain

Questions/ reason for post: so today me and coworker of mine both took 1 70mg vyvanse at 6:23am at work. after extensive research last night (him just along for the ride) he is 5’5 130lbs as stated im 290lbs 6’5. goal of mine today was to become a productive employee and accomplish personal tasks after work or experience teeth breathing stimming. Neither of us have any tolerance to the substance or any official adhd diagnosis at about 9:00 am he was absolutely eating face geeked out of his mind pacing can’t stay still running around like I would of liked to be (he weighs less so I believe it was more potent to him) me I felt very mild euphoria and overall just really relaxed and in a good mood no anxiety but still no energy (i usually take a couple scoops of pre work out in the morning Walmart stuff so no rcs or nothing but right around 500mg of caffeine everyday it doesn’t really do anything for me just makes me itchy which I like because it helps placebo me into thinking it works on waking me up) I skipped out on that today cause I was unsure of what interactions would occur. Overall still felt very tired a slight boost to motivation (after all I’m actually able to sit down and write this on it) it’s currently 2pm work ended around 11 I still feel focused but not very like alert still assuming adhd braining bouncing around on thoughts and still haven’t had motivation to do anything and I’m forcing myself to sit here and write this out otherwise I think I would go take a nap cause I’m sleepy as shit. I wouldn’t say, I didn’t and don’t feel nothing. I do feel like it has helped today in atleast a mood boost but very underwelming in expectations especially w zero amp tolerance and highest dr prescribed dose from what I gathered on the ole google.

I need something to help motivate me to do something atleast something to motivate me to go see a licensed dr. And get the help I need but nothing short of someone kidnapping me and dragging me down there will get me there as is. It’s so much work I don’t even have a primary dr or been to any type of dr outside the er being sick since I was 15.

Should I try 140mg Tommorow? Is that safe? Should I continue taking 70mg daily and enjoy the slight benefits and hope that it will work better towards motivating me in the future cause any little bit helps. Or just accept the slight win today and call it that and go back to nothing?

I know none of yall are drs and yall can’t give me the help I need this was mostly just a rant get it off my chest with advice I will take with a grain of salt. And public opinion

Thank you to anyone that read that I’m sorry if it’s not allowed or the wrong subreddit or to much or whatever I’m new to posting I just really needed to speak to someone and I don’t have anyone

Tl:dr Mentally insane person needed to rant about mental illness and vyvanse experience and needed opinions