Relapsed after 6 years, No euphoria.

I was addicted to a certain pill from 17 to 21 years old. I was doing other substances, but it was the only thing that was ruining my life, I was OBSESSED.

At my rock bottom, I was 38 kilos, having seizures atleast once a day and homeless. Getting arrested was my last straw.

I did other substances in this 6 years but never got addicted to anything because I just wasn't into them, but I always romanticize that specific high.

I truly, truly believed that I'll never be as happy, high and "youthful" again in my life as that certain high used to made me feel, I'll never have this level of "fun" again in my life. That certain pill, symbolised many things in my psyche.

Then I found a dr who would prescribe it to me. I knew I'm not gonna get physically addicted because the dr was so far away and I have many things to lose this time. I just wanted to feel the high again before I die.

When I was finally holding it in my hands, I can't even express how I was feelings. Did pop some right after I bought them.

I did throw up in 3 hours and did smoke a pack of cigarettes. I got high, I was numb and dissociated. I spent the next 4 days high in bed, miserable. I kept on popping more and more for the euphoria, which I never got. Only physically high.

I felt so sad and so relieved after that week.