So I kind of laced myself the other night

This happened on Thursday and I’m still processing it and ultimately am just disgusted with myself and need to vent somewhere.

So context I’m 22F and have always loved a good time. This past summer tho I’ve been going pretty hard in the paint, doing M or ❄️ almost every weekend, drinking every weekend. It’s not really been a problem other than I’m broke sometimes (my bills are always paid). I have ALWAYS tested my drugs before I do them, especially a fentanyl strip test. Except Thursday. I was out of fentanyl strips and honestly wasn’t even supposed to be doing any drugs so I didn’t take any testers with me.

I ended up way too drunk at the rave I was at and wanted to sober up. So naturally I found my guy and bought some “coke”. I then went to the bathroom and like an absolute dumbass domed like 3-5 fat key bumps. I don’t remember much other than I came to outside with my “friends” and my guy. I remember asking like why the fuck am I not sobering and what the fuck is going on and my guy said “oh shit you said coke? That’s my bad I thought you said K. It was loud in there” I’ve never done K in my life, never wanted to either. I was supposed to be driving home and instead I had to call my fiancé at 2am to come get me, and boy that was the worst car ride of my life. I thought I was going to die from a fentanyl od and was almost relieved to hear it was k. Once I got home I don’t remember anything other than my heart was beating incredibly slow that I was scared, and my body temperature was absolutely freezing. My lips were even turning blue. My fiancé had to keep making sure I was breathing.

My guy and all my friends know I don’t do K, they heard me say I want to sober up so why would I want K? I was also drinking A LOT and they knew that so again WHY WOULD YOU SELL ME K! I completely blame me hence the title of lacing myself, but fuck i kind of feel like I got fucked over.

It’s been 4ish days since this and I really haven’t stopped crying, I feel like this is my rock bottom. I should be fucking dead im lucky it was k and not fentanyl. I’m feeling all kinds of emotions and idk who to talk to other than this page. I learned so many lessons the other night and I hope I can shake this one day. I’m so disappointed in myself that I let this happen.