This happened on Thursday and I’m still processing it and ultimately am just disgusted with myself and need to vent somewhere.

So context I’m 22F and have always loved a good time. This past summer tho I’ve been going pretty hard in the paint, doing M or ❄️ almost every weekend, drinking every weekend. It’s not really been a problem other than I’m broke sometimes (my bills are always paid). I have ALWAYS tested my drugs before I do them, especially a fentanyl strip test. Except Thursday. I was out of fentanyl strips and honestly wasn’t even supposed to be doing any drugs so I didn’t take any testers with me.

I ended up way too drunk at the rave I was at and wanted to sober up. So naturally I found my guy and bought some “coke”. I then went to the bathroom and like an absolute dumbass domed like 3-5 fat key bumps. I don’t remember much other than I came to outside with my “friends” and my guy. I remember asking like why the fuck am I not sobering and what the fuck is going on and my guy said “oh shit you said coke? That’s my bad I thought you said K. It was loud in there” I’ve never done K in my life, never wanted to either. I was supposed to be driving home and instead I had to call my fiancé at 2am to come get me, and boy that was the worst car ride of my life. I thought I was going to die from a fentanyl od and was almost relieved to hear it was k. Once I got home I don’t remember anything other than my heart was beating incredibly slow that I was scared, and my body temperature was absolutely freezing. My lips were even turning blue. My fiancé had to keep making sure I was breathing.

My guy and all my friends know I don’t do K, they heard me say I want to sober up so why would I want K? I was also drinking A LOT and they knew that so again WHY WOULD YOU SELL ME K! I completely blame me hence the title of lacing myself, but fuck i kind of feel like I got fucked over.

It’s been 2ish days since this and I really haven’t stopped crying, I feel like this is my rock bottom. I should be fucking dead im lucky it was k and not fentanyl. I’m feeling all kinds of emotions and idk who to talk to other than this page. I learned so many lessons the other night and I hope I can shake this one day. I’m so disappointed in myself that I let this happen.