Hello, I am 20 years old and have been abusing oxycodone, codeine, adderall, alcohol, and other stimulants since the age of 11. Im addicted to all of them and recently have been trying to quit. My girlfriend comes from a good home and a good family, she has always tried to get me to quit but things were getting serious. I had gotten arrested because we got into an argument over my addiction. I had threatened her and said “Im not quitting, I’ll leave you before I ever quit” she has attatchment issues and couldn’t bring herself to leave me. I got a therapist last year and started my journey to quitting.

Last week, I officially started quitting oxycodone. I had already quit alcohol and codeine, but the stims and the oxy were my main issues. For the past few days I have been dreading and going through unimaginable withdrawals. The withdrawals are so bad I can’t even believe this is possible. I’ve gotten sent to the hospital multiple times because I’ve had a heart attack due to the withdrawals. I made the mistake of lying about quitting and never told the nurses that the withdrawals are this bad. I didn’t want to get put in rehab. On wednesday, I’ve relapsed on the stims and adderall and it completely cured my withdrawals. I’ve been taking them everyday since then. These stims include MDA, adderal, concerta, and large amounts of caffeine.

I love getting high and occasionally get high on basic things like shrooms, acid, weed, DXM, and most importantly DPH. I’ve been taking the stims everyday since friday and have been doing grams of DPH since saturday. I am going crazy but I can’t stop taking the stims or else I will get really bad physical withdrawals, but if I keep taking the stims I’ll go mentally insane. My whole family is noticing and I have been severely suffering mentally. I’ve been doing “things” that I can’t state or else this post will get deleted. I know rehab is the best option but I just can’t do it. I’ll ask my therapist tomorrow which is when my appointment is and see what she says to do. I don’t think I can make it till tommorow though.

I am hearing and seeing things (Im not even on DPH right now) and I am panicking. I haven’t had sleep in 5 days. I can’t do this anymore need help please. Keep in mind, if I don’t take the stims, I might literally die. If I keep taking the stims I might go insane and still might die. Need help, need advice, and am praying I get through this.