Lately I am in an inner conflict about my drug habits - but to give you guys some context I should start a few years ago.

My drug “career” started about 2017. I was 14 at that time and I went to a party a few towns away. There I drank the first time alcohol. The same night I bought my first pack of cigarettes and smoked all 20 of them. After this night, my alcohol and nicotine consumption started to rise. A few months later and I already smoked 1,5 packs of cigarettes daily and got 1 to 2 times a week blackout drunk and this went on for a loooong time.

I quit smoking when I was 18 and had to do my mandatory 6 months in the Military but the trigger, which gave me the strength to quit was a mushroom trip. In the middle of my military service, my health declined and I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. I had to stop drinking but I always went back to it. Not because I was physically dependent, more so because of a social dependency. I smoked weed at that time but there were always months in between and I didn’t really like the high.

Fast forward, a few years and my life lied in shards in front of me. I lost my friends because I fucked one girl within my friend group while I was blackout drunk. In addition, there was another girl in this friends group. We had a on/off relationship for about 3 years but I never let her close to me - and right then, right at that time, she got her first real boyfriend.

One night I was bored so I thought I could smoke half a join, which I still got from another session. This was a great night. I had a wonderful time watching a reality-TV show on Netflix. It was just a blast so I did that sometimes. And sometimes became every day. However, it wasn’t that bad. I only started after 21:00 and I would always weigh out the amount of weed I put in the joint.

I had a lot of panic attacks these days. However, I didn’t mind them, because I would always get a panic attack about something I did wrong. Therefore, I started to work on my life. First, I started to hike to get a bit fitter. I naturally backed off alcohol (which I drank daily at that time) because weed was now my best friend and nowadays when I drink alcohol, I just get tired and feel dirty. Then I got stuff in my job sorted out and last but not least I confessed my love to the girl (with the on-off relationship) I lost a few months before. Before I knew it, my life was perfect.

After all that, I enjoyed a few months with my girlfriend and experimented with LSD, 2c-B, Metocin…etc. I also bought a lot of HHC vape liquid because it was cheaper and more stealth than flower.

Now since a few months my consumption got a bit out of control. I started to smoke every day when I leave the office with my bicycle. I love riding my bike so much when I’m high, but my girlfriend confessed to me that she has concerns about the frequency I use it. And she’s right. In the beginning it skyrocketed, my productivity because things like doing laundry was so much fun with weed but now it just makes me lazy. I also got the problem that it has lost its magic for me. Now it’s just like nicotine but every time I see my HHC stash shrink I get anxiety which is a clear indicator for a real addiction which I sort of avoided till now. Now I am in the process of figuring out to convert CBD to THC with citric acid and a water based extraction.(https://www.reddit.com/r/Drugs/comments/4nt4sk/how_to_make_ghb_liquid_ecstasy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)

I do every half a year a sober month to reduce my resistance and I will start again on 1st of October.

In this time, I do not:

Watch porn,

Jerk off,

Eat spicy food,

Drink alcohol,

Smoke weed,

Take/drink Coffein,

No Modafinil

Etc.

You get it….

In this month, I want to read “drug use for grown-ups” from Dr. Carl L. Hart and hopefully I will have the strength to reduce my cannabis consumption to about 2 times a week, because I don’t want to quit completely, however, I wanna find a different approach to weed.

Im only 21 yet and I just don’t want to my life fuck up. Maybe someone was in a similar situation and has some tips for me or some literature about this topic. Looking forward to hear from you guys. Stay safe.