Anyway. It’s been a long fucking time doing drugs. I have aspd as well so basically number one serial killer steroptype.

I also have a terrible relationship with my mother’s partner. Mother is my roommate and her partner’s disposition; It’s gotten bad lately.

Here I am now fucking her 57 year old sister visiting out of town(home where they’ll both be going to lol)

My “outlet” or hobby is woodworking, anything hand crafted, restoration and finishing, antique blades, things like that. I took a tab of 135ug earlier and proceeded to meticulously polish and sharpen several large blades.

In a cardigan, beanie, sweatpants, crocs, at 2:30am, in a dim light all dancing and talking to myself(edm, acid,headphones,iykyk)

Well I got thru my fun safely, processed some thoughts and she was just having a sorrowfest I was just tryna vibe, so I went inside to join her watching her movie. She’s fucked up, on klonopin. I felt wrong even being near her; and just told her she needed some rest.

This feeling of “Oh shit man. What am I doin. I’m 23. I’m facilitating this 57 year old’s crisis/familial drama.”

Mother’s partner probably thinks I’m gonna murder her after an argument today.

It’s wrong for being the way I’m enjoying the torment this is going to cause her, that is an obvious spooky fact for me. But I never wish to cause anyone harm.

but for the final death blow I realized I’m the 57 year olds rebound and im just a drug addicted sociopath but I’m tryna get better.

(Bonus rant: My life has been hell and I’m trying to get on a better path and change how I think and feel but it’s all such fucking torment when your progress is repetitively, cause of setbacks varying, but when I just started to get on the best track ive been on, this landed on my lap.

I just started therapy 2 weeks ago my therapist still don’t know me let alone context to comprehend the shitstorm that has been my last 7 days.

She’s legit trying me now and claiming victim, two firsthand witnesses on my side, in my own home. The one sane person in the house is leaving right now at 5:10am. They will return around 2:30pm. This will either be my manifesto or my alibi lmao. Stay tuned, I’m going to lock myself away in my room all day and hope she doesn’t instigate something anyone ends up harmed from. I just want it all to be over.)