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this realization hurt me but woke me up.
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For the last 2 years of loosing my mom of cancer, and loosing my gf of 4 years due to her needing to find peace which i greatly support that. i have a serious deadly problem. im a fent user at 20 years old. i over dosed in march of this year after rehab i was at my dads and he saved my life. my heart stopped 2 times while the paramedics were there and i was narcanned 6 times. 4 nasal and 2 IV. I was given another chance i was definitely not deserving of. my dad is an active addict. he smokes crack and i regretfully happened to try it one day due to my own selfish desire of no dope and needing to get high. and thats absolutely all i cared about. ever since then 2 weeks ago its been crazy asf. with fent i could control it. only smoke when you feel sick. there was a time and a place. had a steady 9-5 everything. but crack? i can't control it and today made me realize that. i was hanging out with the absolute most beautiful women i could've ever had the chance of spending time with her. she's incredible but i ruined it. i put her keys in my back pocket and it was raining when i went to give them back pills (robaxin for my restless legs) fell onto the ground pretty sure she seen them and she understandably won't text me back. made me realize how i was degrading my self worth and allowing drugs to control me when i had the best thing sitting right beside me. i self sabotage unknowingly and idk how to fix it. guess getting sober is gonna have to teach me a few things cause if not im done. i have no other options if sobriety and therapy doesn't work out. thank you for reading love you stranger<3

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Posted
3 months ago