I love drugs, but weirdly my drugs of choice are mostly mdma or acid weed. Mdma just makes me feel pure joy for half a day, of course I love, but acid to me is like a longer lasting mdma (I know it's nothing like that) but when the trip is good, it's GOOD. Like I'll just cozy up under my blankets and feel so fuzzy and warm it's amazing.

Anyways, yesterday I had a few flu symptoms and told my boss and he gave me the day off work (I work in food service and stuff and they take it super seriously). Since I had the day off, I saw my ecstasy pills on my desk and took my regular dose (3/4 of a pill bc these are really strong) it was like 10 or 11am. This was Friday, I'd also taken mdma on Tuesday and Wednesday (stupid as hell I'm well aware). Either way, the trip was amazing, but it started wearing off around 4 - 5pm and there was so much day left so I decided to take 140ug acid so I wouldn't have to be sober.

After the acid kicked in at around 6-7pm, my trip was so up and down, I would go from feeling joy so intense it was physically overwhelming, to feeling such an intense feeling of despair that is very hard for me to explain now that it's worn off. I think those of you who have taken acid before understand what I mean. Such an overwhelming feeling of 'im destroying my life, there's nothing for me, I'm going to be miserable forever'. It was so awful words could not describe it. At some point I was crying in my bed and just thinking 'I want my mother' (I'm an adult and I live alone, and my relationship with my mother has always been strained she would not have comforted me if she was there). I also was texting my boyfriend but he was probably asleep at this point and I really did not want to bother him with this as he has a history with drugs.

Anyways, it's the next day now and I have work in 4 hours. I feel somewhat okay now, I ended up taking melatonin and managed to fall asleep around 2am (I've never been able to sleep that soon after taking acid I was super lucky tbh), the day had felt so long at that point and I was just so tired.

But now I'm sitting at my desk and everything is okay, no lasting damage, but what the hell was I thinking. These drugs are such horrible options for taking alone in your room just because you're bored, especially acid, but I know I'm going to end up doing it again even though I felt the most overwhelming earth shattering despair on it.

Idk what the point of writing this out was, I guess I just wanted to know if anyone uses these drugs in the same way I do? Or if anyone has any similar experiences or ideas on what I could do with myself instead.