I was sexually, physically and psychologically abused by my parents growing up. I started smoking weed at around 12-14. I have tried quite a few different drugs. I cycled through them, I am quite impressed with my self control considering everything that was happening to me.

I don't worry too much about most of the drugs I did since I didn't abuse them that heavily in my opinion. I was smoking alot of weed for a while, but I did kick that habit in my teens.

I have done Molly though. I didn't know or care about the safe usage of drugs at this time. I bought a £20 bag of Mandy and snorted it in three days. I had also bought some pills and double dropped days after. When I did some more research and discovered how dangerous MDMA is, it horrified me. I was 16 at the time, I thought my life was over. It was a big deal to me, and no one was there to comfort me. This experience drove me to quit drugs.

The sting of this mistake has lessoned as I now understand that my drug usage wasn't my fault. I had no one to guide me, I was being abused by those that where supposed to love and care for me. I was around predators who where clearly willing to take advantage of a vulnerable child for their own financial gain. Which is disgusting.

I don't think the MDMA or any of the other drugs did any lasting damage. But there's no certainty. They definitely shaped my perspective on humanity. I don't have a positive view on people. My personality is very dark.

What really pisses me off is how people tried to use my usage and insecurity as a way of pushing me bellow them. I see it all the time on this app. They'll poke at the insecurity and terror and pretend to be all knowing scientists. It's toxic to it's core and lacks any humanity.

My past is really painful because I cannot just tell people these things. It'll scare them off. I am cursed to keep it locked up forever. I do plan on getting therapy, but I'll have to keep my past away from those close to me.