I’m kinda past my days of heavy drug use but I’ve realized more and more how genuinely awful my memory has. In middle school and start of high school my memory was really good and I was very successful at school and stuff. However more and more I find myself genuinely not remembering months and months of my life. I remember entire events that never occurred, friends that never existed etc.

My drug usage (only stuff that I know impacts memory) consisted of hundreds and hundreds of Xanax bars (over 6 months), Benadryl abuse, heavy marijuana usage (1 gram carts would usually last me 1-3 days, I went through 130 carts my senior year). I’m less sure if this stuff impacts memory but I also used fentanyl, oxy, codeine, cocaine, meth, mdma, psychedelics, and lots of fake substances that I have no idea what was in them. At one point I was also going through probably 90 mg of adderall everyday. Sometimes I’d be on 3,5, and at most I think 9 substances at one time. I’m pretty concerned because even tho I’ve taken a long time getting down to more occasional usage I literally cannot remember most of my past few years. I have so many memories that never ever happened and it’s really scary because I’m about to go to a competitive college. And also I’m not sure if this effects it but I have schizophrenia and bipolar disorder and was on Zoloft, rispiridone, trazodone, Depakote, and a few other things for a lot of this time as well (I stopped taking these before I started doing molly but I was on them all from 13-17 all at max dosage.