Greetings everyone, I've decided to make a list of my experiences with various (15) medications over the years in hopes that it provides insight into the complexities and challenges of psychiatric treatment. I have put it in a list of best to worst. Each drug has had a unique impact on my mental health, and I believe sharing these experiences can contribute to a broader discussion about efficacy, side effects, and personal health journeys. Like every one of my posts, it is extremely lengthy, so here is the shortened list:

1. Weed (THC)
2. Amphetamines (Various)
3. Ketamine (Spravato)
4. Clonidine (Catapres)
5. Benzodiazepines (Various)
6. Mirtazapine (Remeron)
7. Hydroxyzine (Atarax)
8. Propranolol (Inderal)
9. Buspirone (Buspar)
10. Fluoxetine (Prozac)
11. Sertraline (Zoloft)
12. Bupropion (Wellbutrin)
13. Olanzapine (Zyprexa)
14. Aripiprazole (Abilify)
15. Venlafaxine (Effexor)

1. Weed (THC)

• Pros: One of the main reasons I use weed is for relaxation. It helps me unwind after a long day and reduces my stress levels significantly. I’ve found it incredibly helpful for managing pain and nausea. It also helps with my occasional insomnia and has a calming effect on my nerves. I use it to stay off stronger drugs like benzodiazepines, opiates, and to reduce stimulant intake.
• Cons: Potential for anxiety and paranoia; legal status varies; can impair short-term memory and motivation. I’m most definitely addicted to it.
• It works now, but might make me stupid.

2. Dextroamphetamine/Amphetamine/Lisdexamfetamine (Dexedrine/Adderall/Vyvanse)

• Pros: This medication really boosts my energy levels. I don't feel as sluggish during the day, and it's much easier to stay awake and alert, which is a game-changer for me. The improvement in my concentration has been remarkable. I can focus on tasks without getting distracted, which has helped me be more organized and efficient.
• Cons: Potential for abuse and dependence; anxiety, insomnia, and increased heart rate.
• Continued use has led to concerns about dependence and the need for higher doses over time. I'm exploring lower doses, therapy, and lifestyle changes to find a more sustainable approach to managing my symptoms while minimizing medication use. Finding this balance is crucial for my long-term health and well-being.
• It works too well.

3. Ketamine (Spravato)

• Pros: Ketamine's dissociative effects are unique. It can create a feeling of detachment from reality, which can be intriguing and introspective at times. It helps see depression and anxiety from an objective point of view.
• Cons: Chronic use of ketamine can lead to serious bladder problems, such as inflammation and potentially irreversible damage. While some find the dissociative effects intriguing, they can also be unsettling and disorienting, especially at higher doses. It can also cause rebound suicidal ideation.
• Great, until it isn’t.

4. Clonidine (Catapres)

• Pros: Clonidine has been great for me in managing hyperactivity, anxiety, and tics. It provides a noticeable calming effect that helps me feel more relaxed and in control throughout the day. I initially started Clonidine for anxiety, but its off-label use has been invaluable in reducing my “ADHD like” hyperactivity symptoms. It’s also helped significantly with managing tics. For me, the side effects have been manageable. I occasionally experience mild drowsiness and dry mouth, but these are outweighed by the benefits of reduced symptoms.
• Cons: The sedative effects can sometimes be pronounced, especially at higher doses or when first starting the medication. It’s important to adjust and monitor dosage carefully to minimize drowsiness. Dry mouth and low blood pressure are common side effects that I’ve experienced, but they’re mild compared to the relief Clonidine provides. My blood pressure is sometimes high so Clonidine just makes it normal.
• Very normal blood pressure medication that helps physical anxiety symptoms.

5. Benzodiazepines: Alprazolam/Clonazepam/Lorazepam (Xanex, Klonopin, Ativan)

• Pros: Highly effective for reducing anxiety. It calms me down quickly during panic attacks or intense moments of anxiety, which is a huge relief. There were moments of euphoria, especially when I took higher doses. It made me feel relaxed, carefree, and temporarily detached from my problems. During the peak of my addiction, Benzos offered an escape from reality. It numbed emotional pain and made me feel like everything was okay, even when it wasn’t.
• Cons: Benzo addiction crept up on me faster than I expected. What started as occasional use for anxiety quickly turned into a daily need. I became physically and psychologically dependent on it to function. Trying to quit was the hardest thing I’ve ever faced. The withdrawal symptoms were excruciating. Intense anxiety, insomnia, muscle cramps, and even hallucinations. It felt like my body and mind were betraying me.
• They seriously work too well and are too addictive, but I’m ranking them high because they work so well.

6. Mirtazapine (Remeron)

• Pros: Mirtazapine was a lifesaver for me during a difficult time with an eating disorder. It helped me gain 45 pounds and return to a normal weight from a weight of 14.5 BMI. I was in the first percentile and needed help. This was crucial for my recovery and overall well-being. The sedative effects of Mirtazapine were beneficial in improving my sleep.
• Cons: Despite its benefits for sleep, Mirtazapine didn’t significantly alleviate my anxiety symptoms. While many Mirtazapine users report harsh and heavy withdrawal symptoms, my experience has been different. I didn’t encounter the severe symptoms that others often describe. I attribute this to a gradual tapering process under medical supervision.
• This medication helped me a lot, but is nothing special. It works similarly to the antagonistic action that antipsychotics have on the serotonin system, so I expected this to be way worse. WOW! Maybe it’s like serotonin is overstated in depression.

7. Hydroxyzine (Atarax)

• Pros: Hydroxyzine is known for its sedative properties, which can help with anxiety and sleep issues. It also acts as an antihistamine, which is beneficial for allergy relief.
• Cons: Unfortunately, my experience with hydroxyzine was disappointing. It didn’t provide the anxiety relief I was hoping for. I didn’t notice any significant reduction in my symptoms of anxiety, which was frustrating. As a sleep aid, hydroxyzine also fell short for me. While it did induce drowsiness, it didn’t help me stay asleep throughout the night or improve the quality of my sleep. I experienced noticeable drowsiness during the day after taking hydroxyzine at night, which affected my ability to function normally. So, it would affect me in the morning but not at night. Changing the time of ingestion did not help this.
• I suppose this is the baseline, this is the water pill. Everything below here is worse than taking nothing.

8. Propranolol (Inderal)

• Pros: Propranolol is known for its ability to reduce the physical symptoms of anxiety, such as palpitations and trembling. It’s commonly used for performance anxiety and hypertension.
• Cons: In my experience, Propranolol pales in comparison to Clonidine. While Clonidine effectively manages my anxiety and other symptoms, Propranolol falls short. It doesn’t provide the same level of relief and seems less effective overall. I’ve had alarming experiences with Propranolol, including fainting spells and dangerously low blood pressure and heart rates, especially when combined with Clonidine. Something I believe was a reckless decision by my doctor. These episodes have made me wary of continuing with Propranolol. Propranolol significantly lowers my energy levels. I often feel lethargic, as if my blood pressure is too low. This sensation makes me feel wobbly and uncomfortable throughout the day. Compared to Clonidine, Propranolol’s side effects are more pronounced for me. I experience increased fatigue, dizziness, and cold extremities, which impact my daily activities and quality of life.
• Worse version of clonidine, not centrally acting.

9. Buspirone (Buspar)

• Pros: Buspirone provided some relief from my anxiety symptoms. It helped take the edge off and reduce the constant feeling of nervousness by maybe 5%. Unlike some other anxiety medications, Buspirone has a low risk of causing dependence or withdrawal symptoms, which was reassuring.
• Cons: Unfortunately, my experience with Buspirone was far from positive. Shortly after starting the medication, I had a horrific reaction. I experienced severe dizziness, nausea, mania, and intense headaches that made it impossible to function normally. Even when the side effects subsided slightly, Buspirone didn’t significantly alleviate my anxiety symptoms. It felt like I was taking a placebo rather than a medication intended to help manage anxiety.
• Water pill I had to take two times a day until it made me manic and sick.

10. Fluoxetine (Prozac)

• Pros: Antidepressant effects; effective for major depressive disorder, anxiety, and OCD; long half-life reduces withdrawal risk. Fluoxetine MIGHT have helped alleviate my symptoms of major depressive disorder, anxiety, and OCD during the initial years. But, I was also in intensive therapy, so I don’t know. One aspect of Fluoxetine is its long half-life, which reduces the risk of severe withdrawal symptoms.
• Cons: Unfortunately, when my doctor increased my dosage after six years, I experienced significant mental side effects. These included worsened anxiety and mild dissociation, although not as severe as with other SSRIs. Beyond the anxiety/dissociation aspects, the emotional toll of experiencing sexual dysfunction was significant. It led to feelings of frustration, guilt, and even questioning my identity. The effects on sexual function didn’t immediately resolve upon discontinuation of Fluoxetine, since I just went to another medication.
• I was prescribed the lowest dose following a deeply traumatic event, and at the time, it's hard to say whether it was the medication or intensive therapy that helped me cope better. However, as time went on, things changed when my doctor decided to increase my dosage.

11. Sertraline (Zoloft)

• Pros: Initially, I hoped it would help alleviate my persistent feelings of sadness and anxiety. I know people stand by Zoloft.
• Cons: While it is known to be generally well-tolerated, I encountered several significant side effects that outweighed any potential benefits. These included continued sexual dysfunction, weight loss, insomnia, complete dissociation and gastrointestinal issues, which were difficult to manage on a daily basis. The most troubling aspect of my time on Sertraline was its effect on my emotional state. Rather than alleviating my symptoms, it seemed to numb me to any form of emotion. I felt like a shell of myself, devoid of the highs and lows that make life meaningful. It didn't just dampen my sadness and anxiety; it stripped me of the ability to feel joy, empathy, or even sadness. I became disengaged from relationships and hobbies, feeling like I was merely going through the motions of life without any real connection to it. This emotional blunting made me feel like a sociopath, as I lacked the ability to empathize or connect emotionally with others.
• The sociopath pill.

12. Bupropion (Wellbutrin)

• Pros: Initially, Bupropion provided mild stimulant effects that helped boost my energy levels and improve focus slightly. It was somewhat helpful in combating fatigue. At times, especially early on in treatment, I experienced mild euphoria. It lifted my mood slightly, which was a welcome change.
• Cons: My experience with Bupropion was largely negative. Instead of stabilizing my mood, it made me feel more unstable and irritable. I struggled with unpredictable mood swings and heightened anxiety, which made daily life challenging. As someone seeking treatment for ADHD symptoms, Bupropion didn’t provide the focus and concentration improvement I needed. It felt like I was still struggling with attention issues without any significant improvement.
• The mania and suicidal ideation pill.

13. Olanzapine (Zyprexa)

• Pros: It sedated me when I needed sedation.
• Cons: It left me feeling emotionally numb and disconnected from reality. It dulled my emotions to the point where I felt like I had lost touch with myself and those around me. Olanzapine caused profound sedation and cognitive impairment, making it difficult for me to focus, concentrate, or engage in daily activities. It felt like a mental fog had descended, further isolating me from the world. Tapering off Olanzapine was a challenging process due to withdrawal symptoms such as rebound psychosis and insomnia. It took time and careful monitoring to gradually transition to alternative treatments and regain some sense of clarity and emotional stability.

14. Aripiprazole (Abilify)

• Pros: It sedated me when I needed sedation.
• Cons: Abilify had a profound impact on my mental state, leaving me feeling like a complete zombie. Instead of alleviating symptoms, it dulled my emotions to the point where I felt disconnected from reality and unable to experience joy or motivation. One of the most distressing physical side effects was the exacerbation of my tremors. This not only affected my physical abilities but also added to my frustration and sense of helplessness. Abilify triggered episodes of extreme anger, mania, and heightened anxiety. These emotions were intense and difficult to manage, impacting my relationships and daily functioning.
• Tapering off Abilify was a necessary but challenging process. Instead of replacing it with another drug. It was the drug I tapered off into nothing.

15. Venlafaxine (Effexor)

• Pros: Effexor had no pros.
• Cons: Venlafaxine triggered some of the worst depression I have ever experienced. Instead of improving my mental state, it intensified feelings of hopelessness and despair, making it incredibly difficult to function in daily life. This medication caused a myriad of severe physical side effects that I had never encountered with other treatments. I experienced hypertension, which was alarming and required additional monitoring. Sexual dysfunction became an ongoing issue, affecting my relationships and self-esteem. Insomnia added to my distress, exacerbating my mental and physical exhaustion. One of the most frustrating aspects was being prescribed Venlafaxine for depression instead of receiving the ADHD medication I initially sought. Instead of addressing my ADHD symptoms, the medication further complicated my mental health and disrupted my life in unexpected ways. I had to get prescribed Effexor and Bupropion before receiving Vyvanse and Adderall. The withdrawal symptoms from Venlafaxine were excruciating. They the worst intense dizziness, brain zaps, and mood swings that made it challenging to taper off the medication safely.

In conclusion, my journey with these medications has been tumultuous, marked by both relief and adversity. While some treatments provided temporary solace, others exacerbated my symptoms or introduced new challenges. Thanks for reading.