Especially right now. If you’ve seen my other posts, you’d know I’m an addict who struggles with sobriety and what not. I’ve made a lot of shitty decisions in my life because of my addiction. Well, today I found out my dad has cancer. Not only that but also COPD and pancreatitis. He doesn’t care if he lives or dies, we don’t know how far along it is or what stage yet, but he just told me “dad’s probably gonna go soon” before falling asleep. I just can’t fucking do this. He is my best friend and I can’t imagine a life without him. I’m very mentally ill and never learned to do anything on my own, he took care of me for a long time. When I was a child, he also played the role of both parents, since my mom left me when I was young. He was always my hero and my best friend. I’m not ready to lose him. He’s never taken care of himself. He was an addict for around 25-30 years until he quit drugs a bit over 3 weeks ago, but he still drinks a lot. I’m really fucked up over this and idk what I’m going to do when he dies. I know little to nothing about liver cancer, so idk how deadly it is. I’m really sorry for ranting about this here, as it’s not necessarily “drugs” related. Other than the fact that this is also gonna fuck up my sobriety more. Idk. I’m scared. I don’t want to lose him. But he’s already set on dying.