I binged the last couple grams of my ketamine. I know I have an issue that's not the point.

Anyways why does nothing gets rid of pain like dissos. I have bpd and lost my most beloved person in the world. I'm suffering so much and I am in physical pain from missing them.

Ketamine removes all of that. I've tried hydromorphone and vallium. They help but the pain is still there. Ketamine makes it just gone. I'm nothing.

My entire day is just emotional hell and it's insane that dissos just remove that.

I just thought opioids would work better. They make it go away but not like dissos. Plus they make me horrifically sick if I take slightly too much.

I wish ket was cheaper and tolerance didn't skyrocket so fast. I wish it lasted longer. I was thinking of trying canket but it's also expensive. Slightly more than ket.

I tried hydromorphone in the past but now only do kratom. My friend doesn't want me doing harder opioids and I respect that so I don't do them. But even those just aren't appealing to me when I've tried them in the past. Kratom is nice and relaxing if I'm already in a good mood which is almost never.

Ketamine is the only thing that completely removed all pain.

I'd do anything for even a hundred milagrama of ket to be injected into my muscle. Idk.

Sorry for the rant. I'm mostly just wondering if anyone can relate to this.

I just love dissos so so much. I just. Does anyone else feel this way?