last summer i went wayyyy too hard and it completely ruined it for me. i do it about once a month now on the weekends. just took a 2 month long break and was super excited to do it this weekend but there was really no difference in tolerance. i love coke because it completely eliminates all my anxiety and i feel like i can just be myself. but now it’s just all the reverse effects. it seems like 15 mins of fun just for me to be chasing the high for the rest of the night. and the whole time it’s either i don’t feel shit and i do 1-2 more lines and suddenly i feel spun out unable to function or talk but yet don’t have the energy to do anything. and the comedowns just keep getting worse and worse too.

i miss the days i would just do one line and be going for 4 whole ass hours no anxiety just happy and extroverted. will i ever be able to get back to that?? like i said it seems like 2 month long breaks do absolutely nothing… how long do i have to wait for it to even be somewhat like it used to be?? i’m thinking maybe a year, but that’s a huge commitment especially with it being summer/festival season. what do i do instead? i know it’s stupid to replace i with something else, but ik i wont get myself to commit to being fully sober just yet. plus it would just be for here and there at festivals. i’m not super into downers. i do occasionally enjoy ketamine tho, but my bf hates it. he’s down to stop doing coke with me for awhile. i want something we can both do at festivals. other uppers like Adderall or molly are hard to get and ecstasy doesn’t do shit for me. what are your guys thoughts on this?