So for context since march it’s been a pretty terrible year for me, broke up, was in the army and lots of instant changes i couldn’t process all together. Still can’t. So what’d i do? I binged on NEP because it genuinely made me forget and not feel like absolute crap 24/7. I was confident af, could make convos like i had double my original IQ and was productive plus social af for my normal standards.

Also for context i have binged countless times before, mainly on amphetamines tho. It never got as bad. Then on the 3rd night, i start seeing small spider/ant like creatures 5 mins after dosing walking around in my room. Now i had heard about that effect and it honestly just amused me how my brain was projecting and “animating” the bugs like they were genuinely there. Extremely realistic. So i was like ok cool i’ll sleep tomorrow night who cares what’s one more day. Stayed up playing cyberpunk and doing more ofc.

Throughout the following day (yesterday) i didn’t really notice the effects building up, was too energetic to do so. In the afternoon that i got back home and dosed some more, it started. I heard actual fucking voices from outside my house of neighbors/family describing EXACTLY what i’ve been doing and my every single move. I was like ok what the fuck, and everytime i got closer to the window to listen closer they said shit like “yeah there he is look at him, gonna do some more in a bit.” “Sat down again, probably thinking about his ex”. “Does be even eat?” It’s like you’ve created a perfect clone of yourself and tasked him to script what you hear so it it hurts and embarrasses you as much as fucking possible based on YOUR personal worst fears and aspects you hate about yourself. And they sound so fucking realistic too, the sound depth and how far from you the convos are taking place. Fascinating as terrifying. Worst thing is you think that EVERY single voice u hear outside is talking about how much of a failure you are.

Then there were constant footsteps that someone was walking up the stairs to my corridor, actual movie tweaker behavior from me checking every single corner and constantly making sure my own fam wasn’t outside WITH the strangers talk abt me. I knew that 90% was not the case, but in that headspace it’s borderline impossible to just ignore.

So i looked up psychosis symptoms, i have never, in my life, felt so much shame. Word to fucking word, every mental symptom that was written on there was ex-fucking-actly what ive been experiencing. That moment u realize you’re not someone “special” or with a strong mind that’s careful in their use or whatever, you’re just another damn tweaker. And worst part? Every source basically said if you reach this stage you’re gonna stay that way for a loooong time if not forever unless you go to a clinic or take anti-psychotic meds. The bugs were fucking everywhere and even though i knew it was a trick of the nervous system, i felt them crawling on me too which gets frustrating as hell.

By some damn miracle it’s all gone after a bad night’s sleep. Needless to say im never putting shit near my nostrils again. Weed is the only substance I’ll accept from now on it’s genuinely never done me harm. Plus i need the munchies to get my OG bmi back 💀 i feel like im drained of all dopamine for years and i’ll never forget that evening. Im beyond grateful it didn’t get any worse and no matter how much i suffer in life from now on, which is gonna be a LOT it’s not gonna be psychosis.

Take care of yourselves, nobody else is gonna do it for you.