I am determined. No line, no pill can replace him. I told that to him. If I don't do this right now I don't know if I'll ever do it. But I don't want anything between us. Also, we waited two years to be together and now I cannot do drugs like it's nothing! I believe he will be heavily happy cause he had some troubles with drugs, and I don't want him to worry like this, for some stupid lines of coke, speed, ketamine, pills of Adderall, kratom and oxy. Fuck everything!! Yes, it will be hard but it will eventually go away. Now I'll throw everything.

When you REALLY care about someone it doesn't matter how much you used (I was using EVERYDAY) because that's an EXCUSE!!!!! When you DEEPLY care about someone, you'll do something about it.

I want to stop. And care about myself. I'll do tennis again. I had to quit because of drugs!!!! Now I want to move. I WANT TO LIVE. SOBER. Cause yes, I loved drugs, but now I want to face this reality. It doesn't matter how long things will last. You do something cause you care about that thing or person, not because of time.

I never felt so appreciated in my whole life. No one ever cared about me this much. I never felt so free. My inner child was safe with someone else for the first time in my life. This is the feeling I'll never forget. Eventually I'll forget about cocaine.