i just have anxiety and socially anxious about what ppl think or how they perceive me sometimes and it’s stopping me i’m more like socially anxious in terms of talking to people and maintaing a lot of eye contact before i start freezing and sweating and feeling really hot and breathless. i’ve abused tons of xanax and was barred out most pandemic and after prolly 3/4 years on xanax bars and it’s just hard to be free like i’ve done shrooms and they made me not care for what ppl think and not my head but idk man i feel like all the xans backed then fucked up my anxiety and i smoke which i’m trying to stop which i believe ive it’s snapping me down been smoking since 16 and i’m 21 now and say behind in life man and done some fucked up shit in life and while having my gf with me and i think she’s just honestly done with me too i’m co dependent on her like i just be wanting to see her more like she rods my anxiety and makes me feel at home and i think i lost her this time with just everything in life man idk what to do or look. i lost my hobbys which was rapping and making beats and learning more and hoepfully to even collab wkth some underground ppl and maybe become a well known artist or not just for the art andi have a lot of ideas and drive but i lost it or don’t believe in myself anymore .got laid off like 3. months ago the whole company got closed and it’s hard cuz i’m just not social it’s hurting me. i wake up in agony i have to live the same shit doing nothing i’m about to just waste all money on bunch of H to sniff and bunch of drugs and throw my life away i feel like it’s to late for me ik im young but my anxiety is crippling me man i’m tryna fucking help my mom more man fucking i don’t be feeling like a man i’ve lost my bitch from 5 years and dated long time ago. before i super fucked it up that time as a stupid childish kid i can write more and explain if anyone wants to know or give me some advice which prolly won’t work for me .Like where the fuck do i go i lost music which helped me express myself too like where do i go man i hand some funds but have to pay mostly bills but this won’t last and i feel worthless cuz i all the shitry job option near me rewire too much social shit like starbucks or food shit