My parents are getting very old and becoming sick, their only worry is me, they are afraid of me using drugs again, they are also in constant fear because i tried to commit suicide, last year my father tested me and i was once positive thc and cocaine, than just thc, than speed. From that moment i left drug circle, i was negative on test last two times, even thc. They were proud and smiling - i fake smiling, im negative on tests BUT, I WOULD WAITING MY PREGABALIN TOLERANCE RESET WITH HIGH DOSE OF ALL SORT OF BENZOS, ONCE I HAD TERRIBLE WD AND BOUGHT SHITTON OF LOPERAMIDE WITH TONIC AND OTHER THINGS FOR POTENTIATIKG AND AFTER THAT I WOULD ENJOY IN LYRICA AGAIN, I WOULD SOMETIMES SNORT WHOLE BOTTLE OF WELLBUTRIN - THAT DOSE ACTUALLY END MY WALKING COORDINATION LIKE I WALK NORMALY AND FALL, MY BRAIN ALWAYS FELT FRIED FROM WELLBUTRIN. Im 24, unemployed partially disabled criple who lives in constant emptyness after i jumped, i Lie my mother that im interested in thing that she reccomend. I have older brother (who slowly gave up cuz my shit) and sister, they are 11 n 10 years older. My father is psychotic fanatic who rejected meds. I saw mothers sorrow after Coma, it hurts. I live only because she want her son alive ANd who can be self dependent, but i wait only her death. After that i will instantly unalive myself - with self immolation added and someting i will took before setting Fire. the brother will get over it quickly, the sister more slowly, my father will only cry because im going to hell 100%, he is religious fanatic (btw ONLY UNFORGIVABLE SIN IS SUICIDE IN ORTHODOXY). How are you?